Life in the post-Four Loko world: alcoholic whipped cream, like Whipped Lightning, becomes the next subject of FDA scrutiny

Keep Westword Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Denver and help keep the future of Westword free.

It's only been a few weeks since we bid adieu to the Four Loko and friends, those caffeinated malt beverages that caused an uproar after a couple of idiots young people became severely intoxicated (which has never happened with any other alcohol in the history of mankind).

Now, clearly determined to take all the fun out of college binge drinking, the powers-that-be have chosen a new target of scrutiny: alcoholic whipped cream.

Whipped Lightning and CREAM are among brands on the market that have infused the dessert topper and sexy-time accoutrement with spirits, creating fun flavors like chocolate and pumpkin spice and white-chocolate raspberry.

Can you spot the danger here? That's right: Those crazy kids with no self-control will obviously be lured in by the powers of deliciousness, only to be duped into drinking way too much because they don't know they're actually getting drunk. And then they'll die horrible, painful deaths, which is why health officials are already in a tizzy, calling for closer monitoring of the 30-proof whipahol.

It's cool, though. Even if the FDA makes these companies take the booze out of the can, we can just go back to the glory days of fun: sucking the nitrous oxide out of the top before coating martinis or Jell-O shots with regular old whipped cream.

Follow @CafeWestword on Twitter

Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.