Welcome to In the Weeds. Kyle will be right with you -- most likely to complain about something. Usually he is pleasant, but this is his place to blow off some steam. Don't take it personally; he just needs to vent because he's been doing this for about thirteen years. Enjoy your meal.
Customers have many tactics for irritating their servers. Being rude, picky, cheap, condescending, ugly or foul-smelling are staples. But there's another way to get me to "accidentally" lose your leftovers:
Order hot tea.
I'll smile. I'll even deliver the beverage in a relatively timely manner. But in my head, I'm hoping you get a flat tire on the way home and calling you an "English prick" regardless of your nationality. It's not rational, but neither is the cost-to-work ratio of hot tea.
I have to retrieve a cup, a saucer, a variety of tea bags, sugar, a mini teapot and, often, milk. And I will wish for a full breakdown of your vehicle if you ask for honey: My already forced pleasant disposition will disappear if I have to go into the kitchen and repeatedly shake and squeeze a plastic bear. Also, if you're ordering hot tea, you're likely old or have old-person tendencies, which means you're going to sit, chat and want hot water refills.
It's entirely too much work for something that costs no more than $2. If you are a good tipper (not likely for a senior), I'm making maybe forty cents on that cup of tea. Keep it, make a cup when you get home, and I won't detest you based on your after-dinner drink choice. Serving a $3,000 bottle of wine or a $30 steak takes the same amount of effort -- or less -- than serving hot tea. The first two help pay the bills.
I wish I didn't feel this way. But since I do, you might want to duck and cover if you order hot tea -- you're a step away from the person who orders an appetizer as an entree and asks for five refills on free bread.
And don't look at me funny if you burn your lip and I can't hold back a satisfied chuckle.
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.