Rachael Ray Invents Colorado’s Official Food

A few months ago, in order to assist the Colorado Tourism Office with its woefully embarrassing state marketing campaigns, we asked readers, “What Does Colorado Taste Like to You?” Looks like one of those readers was none other than that empress of evoo Rachael Ray, and she responded with an on-air segment devoted to the famous “Denver Mile High Burger”:

What? You’ve never heard of the Denver Mile High Burger? Well, that’s because Rachael Ray made it up. According to her, this turkey burger is a natural evolution of the Denver omelet, since it includes many of the same ingredients -- except for those pointless eggs. As she explains on the show, “I chose ground turkey because I was thinking Denver omelets… eggs… chickens… you see my thought pattern there.” Of course we do, Rachael. As my colleague What’s So Funny noted, “Bitch is a scientist, man.”

Thank God we have a zombie-eyed media-mogul trollop from upstate New York to create local foods for us. Lord knows we don’t know how to cook ourselves. While you’re at it, Rachel, think you can come up with a yummo new version of the Rocky Mountain oyster? – Joel Warner

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