Study shows men like to watch Kim Kardashian hump a salad

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If you've turned on the tube lately, you're aware that some psychopath almost blew up Detroit with his underwear on Christmas, you've watched certain talking heads make complete idiots of themselves regarding the devastation in Haiti, and you've seen Kim Karsdashian's new soft porn commercial for Carl's Jr.

As if they had nothing better to do, the HCD Research collaborative did a study to find out whether or not Kardashian's commercial was "effective," and by "effective," they meant to say, "After viewing this commercial, did you find it made you want to jerk off eat a salad?"

I'm sure all of you smarties can see where this is going.The results of the survey show that men wanted to hork the salad more and more as the commercial went on, whereas the ladies were frantically searching for the remote. Glenn Kessler, president and CEO of HCD Research, also made this brilliant observation: "The largest divergence between male and female interest levels occurred when Kardashian said, "And while the best things in life are messy, it's fun to get clean."

Oh, for crying out loud.

It should be illegal for people to be famous and have television shows solely because their parents are loaded beyond belief, but at least Kim Kardashian has meat on her bones and some junk in her trunk. The most hilarious aspect of this is that the salad looks drier than Death Valley until she lifts a bite to her mouth, during which the copious amounts of dressing that have suddenly appeared drip past her partially exposed breasts. Laughs aside, I would rather graze my knee caps with a chainsaw than be forced to watch that commercial again.

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