Subway wants your twelve inches; will go after subway systems next

A new Subway will open Sunday at 200 Quebec Street, and to celebrate, it will hold a Footlong- eating contest at 1 p.m., with the person who consumes the most Footlong subs in ten minutes winning four tickets to a Rockies game.

This could be your only chance to eat twelve inches. Because if Subway has its way, only Jared and his pals will be able to order an official Footlong, carbo-loaded meal.

According to an NPR report, Subway is now sending cease-and-desist orders to any and all places that sell a "footlong," whether it's a sandwich shop or just a hot dog joint. Subway has applied for a trademark on "FOOTLONG," because we aren't bombarded with enough of those oh-so-witty $5 Footlong sandwich advertisements.

Kevin Kane, spokesman for the chain, says he has no idea how many letters have been sent out, but explains that they serve the purpose of keeping the brand in the forefront, since Subway is the only purveyor of twelve-inch sandwiches. Or at least twelve-inch sandwiches labeled "Footlong" with a really irritating former fatty as a spokesman.

I'm not sure how Subway expects the U.S. Patent Office to facilitate this claim of ownership on the word "footlong." Will we now have to go metric so that we don't get sued? Will "footlong" become the next F word? Is this actor from Bachelor Party going to be out on the street with no shirt on his back?

And is Subway's legal team getting ready to send letters to New York City regarding its copyright-infringing subway transit system?

Can we sue Subway for sandwich infringement?

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