Cafe Society

Top three foods to eat when the Jackson Street substation kills the power in your 'hood

It was lights out for Thursday night's "Scrumptious Holiday Appetizers" cooking class at the Denver Botanic Gardens, 1005 York Street. The event was canceled because of yet another issue with the Xcel substation at 1310 Jackson Street, the same substation that exploded back in June, and then went down again about a week later, and then again around 5:15 p.m. Thursday evening, leaving 25,000 residents in the neighborhood grasping for candles and flashlights.

Instructor Susan Evans and the befuddled class-goers huddled in the cold and dark for about 45 minutes, contemplating lighting a trash can fire for warmth and light. Finally, Evans decided that the class would be rescheduled at a future time.

In the meantime, pray that the power stays on when the Gadens get lit on December 3 for the holidays -- and stock up on the top three foods to eat when the Jackson Street substation kills the power in your 'hood again:

1.Cabbage: These extremely versatile and cold-weather resistant cruciferous bulbs managed to keep peasants fed during the Middle Ages, long before electricity, and long before Xcel spokespeople came up with the brilliant catch-all excuse of a "system disturbance" for power outages. And the added bonus of cabbage? Plenty of recycled methane gas to keep neighborhood residents warm via the "hot box" under their covers. 2. Glowing mushrooms: or Mycena luxaeterna which are found on sticks in the forests of Brazil. These luminescent fungi emit an eerie, greeny-yellow light that is sure to lead hungry Capitol Hill residents right to where the good stuff is the next time there is a conspicuous "equipment malfunction" within the substation. The shipping costs for these glowing delicacies might be high, but when Xcel gets around to crediting everyone's accounts for the blackouts, what better way to spend the windfall then on glow-in-the-dark sustenance?

3. Lit'l Smokies: They kick it DIY in this neighborhood. When the substation explodes, just grab them out of fridge (which isn't working, anyway), string some wieners on a length of wire outside, and wait for the smoke from the electrical fire to season the dogs just right. They may taste like burnt rubber and melting plastic -- but so do the ones from the store.

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Jenn Wohletz
Contact: Jenn Wohletz