Last week, I told you about my impending attempt at doing TV and speculated about the potential disasters inherent in anyone allowing me to set foot in their kitchen again after years spent behind a desk. What's more, I mentioned that anyone who was interested was welcome to come down to Mezcal on the night of the filming (October 23) to watch me crash and burn with their own eyes -- because that's just the kind of inclusive and self-deprecating motherfucker I am.

And contrary to what a couple of haters who turned up in the comments section seem to believe, I also said that I'd be posting the menu for the five-course, $45 tequila dinner that I'll be helping Sean Yontz cook (along with the regular Mezcal menu) as soon as he sent it along to me. Well, I have it now and it looks like a doozy. Check it out for yourself:

Not exactly slop-and-serve tacos, right? My favorite thing: Yontz put "Chef" in quotes -- as he rightly should. My second favorite thing? He has items on that menu that not only have I never had to cook before, but I've never even heard of before. Also, I'm pretty sure that there's at least one word on Yontz's menu that's just plain made up. I mean xnipec? Come on...

Still, I'm going to do my best to not embarrass myself. I'm going to do my best to not bring shame to Yontz's kitchen and the guys who nightly labor in it. I'm going to do my best to not injure myself (or anyone else) in any fashion serious enough that two or three shots won't cure it. I'm going to try really hard not to look too bad on camera.

And when all that fails, I'm gonna laugh my ass off about the whole thing. Because, really? It's TV. And more to the point, it's me on TV. What else can you do but laugh?