It's the day we've all been patiently waiting and preparing for the entire year. The one day when we can come together as a people, not just as Americans, but also as human beings, and celebrate the magnificent beauty and potential of the human imagination. Yes, today is Guinness World Record Day, and we've brought you five of the most ridiculous world records attained to date in honor of humanity's proclivity for utter foolishness.
U.K. -- Heaviest shoes walked in
Today, Ashrita Furman, of the U.S.A. not surprisingly, locked in the world record for heaviest shoes walked in while trudging in London. He walked 10 meters in some killer kicks weighing a total of 323 lbs. Why? Because he can, dammit. This is a great example of the best way to get into the Guinness Book of World Records
if you aren't good at anything and you have no freakish genetic deformity to back you up: Do something no one else would ever think to do. There's really no contest here, because, I think it's safe to say, no one else on the planet has any desire to walk in shoes that weigh far more than they do.
Japan -- Largest Pop Group
Japan does pop a little differently than we do over here in the U.S. OK, a lot differently. While we celebrate the over-sexualized and often under-talented individuals sent through the pop-star merchandising machine, Japan celebrates a collective, random number of anonymous, over-sexualized, dubiously talented girls who must all wear the same outfit. The largest pop group in the world is from Japan, and it's called AKB48. It consists of 48 total members evenly sectioned into teams A, K and B, because that makes perfect sense, right? Japan, you never fail to elude our comprehension with your weirdness.
Canada -- Largest Macarena Dance
People still do the Macarena? Apparently, the incredibly annoying cross-cultural phenomenon is still something people get together and do in Canada, our continually confusing neighbors to the north. On November 12, 2010, 1,861 people gathered in a field to collectively and awkwardly gyrate themselves around for five minutes, all in celebration of World Diabetes Day. Again, makes perfect sense.
U.S.A. -- The Most Dogs in Costumed Attire
Of course the record for most dogs dressed up in costume is going to go to people in the U.S.A. Is that really any surprise to anyone? The annual Dogtoberfest in Dunedin, Florida, saw a record 426 dogs of all sorts dressed up like adorable little versions of ourselves. What is it about people that makes them want to make all other animals look and act like us? Why do we map our emotions, thoughts and desires onto our pets? Could it be a natural tendency toward rampant narcissism? Probably just too much free time.
Netherlands -- Largest Shoe
Yesterday, a group unveiled a size U.K. 845 Converse Chuck Taylor All Star "shoe." This is just all wrong. Not morally wrong, just plain logically wrong. All they have here is a giant thing that looks like a shoe, because once a shoe is larger than the largest foot ever, it ceases to be a shoe. It is not a shoe unless it serves the purpose of a shoe. This is a sculpture of a shoe, at best. Either way, it probably cost a fortune to make. A fortune that could have fed a lot of starving people, or at least paid for the world's largest Turducken