YouTube University: How to save a wet cell phone

Long before cell phones began making beelines for toilets, pools and other dangerous bodies of water, pagers were seeing the same fate. If you recall, Usher once sang about girls beeping whenever they wanted to get freaky, and if you (like the author) wore your pager on the front pocket of your overalls, you knew the eminent danger the bathroom posed: One careless self-depants-ing could send your air-brushed, glow-in-the-dark Looney Tunes and/or bud leaf decorated pager to its quick, piss pot death.

Hair dryers never did the trick in pager revival, and in this modern age of cell phone resuscitation, they don't seem to work either. The old "bowl of rice" routine can be helpful in bringing a water-logged phone back to life, if you have three days to wait to find out if it really works. Three days without a cell phone? What kind of loser can wait that long?

Enter Clevonamerica, our latest YouTube tutor, with a simple fix that we can't believe isn't as popular as that rice bullshit. With his simple vacuuming technique, it seems any phone can be like new again. (Unless you have an iPhone, and then you're probably screwed because Apple has eliminated users' ability to do anything on their own, including pick restaurants, take the batteries off of iPhones easily and think for themselves.) Anyway, here's Clevonamerica with more on how to save your only source for instant gratification and love!

Tip #1: Position your webcam well above your computer screen Wanna look like a profesh web guy who knows a lot about important shit like cell phone recovery? Point your camera downward onto your face. We're not sure why, but for some reason, it gives the impression that you know what you're talking about.

Tip #2: Properly set your how-to scene Nobody wants to see the boring old kitchen table you're working off of when doing a tutorial on how to fix stuff, but there is an easy fix. Eliminate that boring background by simply laying out some wallpaper samples or overpriced scrap-booking paper and voilà -- the tutorial becomes the eye-catching video it was meant to be. Want to unecessarily make a reference to the size of your phone? Place a tomato on the paper and, magically, your phone is to scale! Tip #3: Get a cool spacey logo In our last installment of YouTube University, instructor SarahXWeave made an animated GIF of herself of herself humping the air, thus proving her legitimacy as an Internet teacher. But it doesn't have to be that complicated. Sometimes it just takes a logo and some falling stars and and patriotic colors to make everything come together. (For reference, see the the opening to the '80s PBS series, 3-2-1 Contact).

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Bree Davies is a multimedia journalist, artist advocate and community organizer born and raised in Denver. Rooted in the world of Do-It-Yourself arts and music, Davies co-founded Titwrench experimental music festival, is host of the local music and comedy show Sounds on 29th on CPT12 Colorado Public Television and is creator and host of the civic and social issue-focused podcast, Hello? Denver? Are You Still There? Her work is centered on a passionate advocacy for all ages, accessible, inclusive, non-commercial and autonomous DIY art spaces and music venues in Denver.
Contact: Bree Davies