This morning, the KDVR morning crew decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo on air, and anchor Kirk Yuhnke took the fiesta a step further in a pre-show Facebook Live video.
The anchors all wore sombreros, or as Yuhnke called them in his video, "three amigos hats" — presumably a reference to the film starring Chevy Chase and Steve Martin, though "amigos" might also be the only word Yuhnke can say in Spanish — while a Hispanic chef taught them how to make that so-complicated side dish, guacamole. Because it's more authentic when it's made by a Mexican!
Anytime a white person puts on a sombrero, they feel the need to scream "Ayyee!," and it was no different for the Fox 31 morning crew as Yuhnke panned around the room with his phone for Facebook Live. Cries of "Ayyee!" were everywhere. Yuhnke, not satisfied with having reduced the Mexican culture to a bunch of sombrero-wearing party animals who couldn't seem to speak in a regular tone of voice, was heard off-camera playfully telling his compadres to "stop," in much the way a slightly culturally sensitive but still racist frat guy would "stop" his brothers from chanting "Build the wall!" at a party.
The following is what we imagine the conversation at this morning's Fox 31 planning meeting sounded like before the Facebook Live episode. By the way, Yuhnke has since removed the video from his Facebook page.
4:31 a.m., Friday, May 5
Producers: "Guys, we have a great idea. Seeing as how today is Cinco de Mayo — or Cinco de Drinko, amiright!? [room laughs hysterically], we think it would be hilarious if the all-white crew — sorry, the 15/16 white and 1/16 Native American crew — wore sombreros on air during the morning show while a Hispanic makes guacamole live!"
Anchor 1: "Great idea, bro! Nothing celebrates Mexican heritage like white people wearing sombreros while a Mexican dude makes us guacamole to CRUSH."
Anchor 2: "Totally, bro. The morning audience will love it!"
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Intern silently chimes in: "But guys, is this appropriate? I mean, we have a president who is dead-set on completing a literal wall between us and Mexico, a platform built on xenophobia. Not only that, but he's ripping families apart and deporting mothers and fathers back to their home countries even though all they wanted was to make a better life for themselves in America, which is really how all of our ancestors got here in the first place, not to mention the fact that the only air time Hispanic people usually get is when they've committed a crime?"
Anchor 1: "SNOWFLAAAKE." (Fist bumps anchor two.)
Anchor 2: "Bro, chill. This is the morning show. We need to give off the impression that we're carefree and having a good time, otherwise we'll lose our audience to, like CBS, or something."
Anchor 1: "Someone give this dude a margarita!!"