Our Adam Roy recently came upon this sign, which stresses that Genesis Health Wellness Centre "is NOT a marijuana dispensary." But it sure sounds like one -- and plenty of other Colorado businesses do, too.
Continue to count down our photo-illustrated list of the top ten Colorado businesses that sound like dispensaries but aren't.
See also: Denver's Five Dankest Street Corners
Number 10: The Joint 24300 East Smokey Hill Road, Aurora, and other locations
You can't Bogart these Joints, which specialize in chiropractic care.
Number 9: Mad Greens 7300 East Arapahoe Road, Centennial, and other locations
Yo, yo, yo: These Mad Greens are salads, which go nicely with soup.
Continue to keep counting down our list of ten Colorado businesses that sound like dispensaries but aren't. Number 8: Higlands Wellness Center 2543 Eliot Street, Denver
Now in its new location, Highlands Wellness Center offers acupuncture, massage therapy, energy healing and more. None of which come in ounces or eighths.
Number 7: Green Island 990 West 6th Avenue, Denver
Irony alert: This restaurant-that-sounds-like-a-dispensary (an Asian grill) is in the same complex as RiverRock, a dispensary-that-sounds-like-a-restaurant.
Continue to keep counting down our list of ten Colorado businesses that sound like dispensaries but aren't. Number 6: Healing Roots Natural Medicine 1574 York Street, Denver
Healing Roots Natural Medicine's moniker features four words that frequently wind up in dispensary names, and the website description of the business sounds mighty MMJ-shop-like. One excerpt reads: "Rather than merely focusing on and addressing symptoms, we seek to understand and correct the imbalance that is causing them. It is this approach that makes the medicine practiced at Healing Roots both curative and preventive." But the approach is naturopathic, not weed-centric.
Number 5: Herbs & Arts 2015 East Colfax, Denver
The herbs in question, as noted by the shop's website: "ritual & magickal oils and incense" made in the store.
Continue to keep counting down our list of ten Colorado businesses that sound like dispensaries but aren't. Number 4: 5 Green Boxes 1596 South Pearl Street (The Little Store) and 1570 South Pearl Street (Big Store), Denver
5 Green Boxes don't contain what you might think. The stores' website note that they feature a range of merchandise, including clothing, jewelry and in-house designed furniture.
Number 3: A1 Organics 16350 WCR 76, Eaton
What sort of organics? The kind that are ready for new life. "As Colorado's leader in organic recycling, A1 has successfully diverted over 8,000,000 cubic yards of waste from Colorado landfills," its website notes.
Continue to keep counting down our list of ten Colorado businesses that sound like dispensaries but aren't. Number 2: Dram Apothecary 1010 Main Street, Silver Plume
From its website: "DRAM Apothecary was inspired by the idea that the inclusion of bitter herbs into our everyday diet is essential for vibrant health and agreeable digestion." For herbs of the sweet, smoky variety, look elsewhere.
Number 1: The Herbery 819 East 6th Avenue
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The herbs at the Herbery consists of plants not intended for smoking; also on hand are pots to put them in, as opposed to pot. The business' owner tells Westword's Roy the Herbery has been around long enough that locals don't confuse it with a dispensary. So this is a message to stoners from out of town: If you stop by with refreshment in mind, just keep rollin'.
Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.