Ride 'em, Cowboy!

Several friends of mine had plans to attend the Stock Show this evening but have chosen not to because of the bitter cold, opting for the warmth and comfort of their homes instead. Lame.

If only the organizers of the National Western Stock Show were taking advantage of the bitter weather and blizzard rather than pretending it wasn't happening and losing customers in the process. So may I humbly suggest the first-ever National Western Stock Shows Eastern Plains Frozen Bull Riding Ho-Down and Hootenanny?

Now, I'm not saying we should pull out the dead bulls and bring them into the ring, because that would just be tasteless. Hilarious and tasteless. All I'm saying is that we bring in the near-dead bulls and have the cowboys ride 'em. Think of all the records that will be shattered!

Y'all seen it here folks: Waylon Jessup of Billings, Montana, just set a new rodeo record riding Arctic Andy, the steer from Kit Carson, Colorado, for one hour and thirty-seven minutes, 'afore Andy's legs plum snapped off, sending the whole mess a'topplin'! Whoo-hoo! That's some good rodeo! Hey, and looky over there, here comes them hootin' and hollerin' rodeo clowns! Ha, ha, ha! One of 'em just kicked the other one right in the nuts! Hiiii-larious! Man, I loves me some rodeo!

Yes, it's a tough time to be a rodeo-man from eastern Colorado. On the bright side of things, though, at least now those sheep are slowed down -- and a lot easier to catch on those long, lonely blizzard nights. Eh, cowboys? -- Adam Cayton-Holland

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Patricia Calhoun co-founded Westword in 1977; she’s been the editor ever since. She’s a regular on the weekly CPT12 roundtable Colorado Inside Out, played a real journalist in John Sayles’s Silver City, once interviewed President Bill Clinton while wearing flip-flops, and has been honored with numerous national awards for her columns and feature-writing.
Contact: Patricia Calhoun