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The Denver Nuggets' quarter-life crisis

Carmelo Anthony doesn't seem to be in a Golden State of mind in this image from the Denver Nuggets' website.

If NBA games were decided after the first quarter of play, the Denver Nuggets would have been league champs several years in a row. Over and over again, the team gets off to a blistering start and builds up an early lead, only to slowly piss it away during the second and third quarters and wind up losing in the end -- which is precisely what hapened in last night's humiliating 111-101 defeat to Golden State.

Does George Karl think this is a winning strategy? Hard to say -- but perhaps we can change his mind with the following examples, which apply the Nuggets' one-quarter-is-good-enough approach to several of modern life's other basics.

Eating:

Pros: Don't have that bloated feeling after meals if you only eat a quarter of what's on your plate. Cons: You're hungry an hour after dinner even if you didn't have Chinese food.

Sleeping:

Pros: Can get much more accomplished in any given day if you only sleep one-fourth as long as usual. Cons: Grogginess can be a problem -- especially if your job is running a wood chipper.

Driving to work:

Pros: Going only a quarter of the usual distance to the office will cut way down on commute time. Cons: Stopping in the middle of the road might be considered a traffic hazard.

Paying bills:

Pros: Reducing your payments by 75 percent will leave you with a lot more cash at the end of each month. Cons: If you do this for too long, collection-agency goons may break 75 percent of your kneecap.

Sex:

Pros: Can't think of one offhand. Cons: First base is a lot less interesting than home plate. -- Michael Roberts

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts