Weird Food News

Groupon unveils Grouspawn trust fund and dating service

Groupon, the national deal-hawker that one woman claims nearly sunk her business, is unveiling a brand new publicity stunt called Grouspawn, which is sure to rile up Glenn Beck and his fellow Tea Partiers.

Groupon -- probably accurately -- guesses that much of its customer base comes from the vast online dating pool, a population looking for a cheap activity that will allow them to suss out the intimate and romantic potential of a mate. Presumably, many of those men and women will engage in premarital intercourse, and, thus, spawn. So Groupon is putting aside $60,000 a year for two lucky kiddos conceived after their parents met, got a discounted meal and then hooked up. That trust will be bestowed upon the Grouspawn when he or she turns 25.

To lube the process, the coupon-maker is also unleashing an online dating service called Groupon Date Assistant. Social networking at its finest, really.

If you want to fund your kids' college education because of your own hornyness, you need to send one photo that includes you and your partner, a newspaper that shows the date of your first outing -- why, we have no idea -- and the Groupon coupon that was used before forgetting the condom.

Let the drunken copulation begin.

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Laura Shunk was Westword's restaurant critic from 2010 to 2012; she's also been food editor at the Village Voice and a dining columnist in Beijing. Her toughest assignment had her drinking ten martinis and eating ten Caesar salads over the course of 48 hours. She still drinks martinis, but remains lukewarm on Caesar salads.
Contact: Laura Shunk