Audio By Carbonatix
Yesterday marked the glorious return of America’s favorite onion-ed, pickled, sauce-slathered, probably-pork sandwich. Much to my delight, the McDonald’s location at 505 East Colfax Avenue is now serving the McRib sandwich — and thanks to McDoo’s extremely persuasive “Get a second McRib for $1,” I not only got one McRib sandwich…I got two.
McDonald’s usually releases the McRib in October, but not this year, due to either unseasonably warm weather earlier in the fall or to strengthen McD’s fourth-quarter sales–depending on which media story you believe. But we who love the McRib see its annual return as a gift…in this case a holiday gift that keeps on giving. And so I have decided to memorialize it in a touching holiday poem I call “Merry McRib-mas.”
See also:
–The McRib is back, and Denver’s got it
–An ode to the McRib sandwich, which disappears again December 5
–Update: McRib dominates me
Merry McRib-mas
Merry McRib-mas, everyone! Time for holiday cheer
The McRib sandwich, like Santa, only comes once a year.
It’s saucey, it’s oniony, it has pickles galore.
You can’t buy this gift in a department store.
It’s juicy, it’s tender, it’s probably pork.
It’s a tasty fake rib you can eat with a spork.
Haters be hatin’ but it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
You can live without it, sure, if you call THAT living.
The McRib will make the holidays brighter, never fear.
Because unlike Chick-Fil-A, McDoo hasn’t pissed anyone off this year.
And Mickey’s isn’t scared of Obamacare, it seems.
Unlike with Papa John’s, there are no angry Facebook memes.
The McRib represents the holiday spirit.
Although neither of my cats will go anywhere near it.
The McRib’s return could not have been better-timed.
You can eat a McRib AND a holiday pie at the very same time.
The McRib is seasonal, with a price you can’t beat.
It’s possibly made with reindeer meat.
Santa will buy some — in twos or in threes.
After leaving Colorado this year, he’ll have the munchies.
It’s truly McRib-mas; a billion customers served can’t be wrong.
And it stays in your colon all year long.
