If you're the kind of person who hears the words "breakfast" and "free" and leaps from your bed without so much as a potty stop on your way out the door, have we got a deal for you.
See that photo up there? That's your early morning wake-up call, your zap of energy that's robbing you of an hour on the treadmill so that you can jump into your car, violently slam the pedal to the metal and hightail it to your nearest Denny's for two pancakes, two slices of bacon, two sausage links and two eggs that I can guarantee you will never, ever look anything like the eggs in that murderously manipulated snap.
But you'll go anyway, just because it's free, and because you're brainwashed from watching all those damn Denny's commercials that aired during Sunday's Super Bowl -- the ones that deafened our ears with a bunch of shrieking chickens that were warned to fly the coop because "it's going to be a tough week for egg layers." The same thing happened last year, when two days after the Steelers crushed the Cardinals in Super Bowl XLIII, more than 2 million hunger-hards jostled for a spot in line for a costless plate of grub that normally rings in at a whopping $5.99.
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And they'll repeat it all today, when every participating Denny's in the state will again offer a free Original Grand Slam breakfast to anyone seriously nuts enough to stand in line for it. If you were there at 6 a.m., when the kitchen started splattering grease, there's no reason for you to read any further, but if you're just beginning your morning stretch, the
shitshow handout runs until 2 p.m. today. Drinks are extra, and no, tip isn't included, but since all of you who bet on a Saints victory are filthy rich, you've got plenty of cash to burn on your waitress.