The Tilted Kilt, which opens tomorrow at 1201 16th Street in the former ESPN Zone space, has a menu. I know this because I ordered from it last night during a preview dinner. But when you're surrounded by hot guys that inch up their kilts on command and girls dressed in tartan mini-kilts that barely cover their buttocks and matching bras swathing bouncing breasts, it's not exactly easy to concentrate on the task at hand, which, for me, was supposed to be food dissection.

But there were just so many distractions at the Titted Tilted Kilt ... more TVs than I am years old, for example and nary an empty inch of wall space, because they're all mounted with framed snaps of burly, red-faced Irishmen in kilts. Playing the bagpipes. There are nearly two dozen beers on tap and two bars. It's loud, it's big and the windows to 16th Street were open, so the poor girls were shivering. And you know what that means. Right.

The skirts are short, the boobies bouncy at the Tilted Kilt

Anyway, the menu, as you might expect, is pub grub -- a plastic page-flipping board of nachos and clam strips; salads with chicken or steak; "big arse" burgers (and one "skinny arse" burger") and a double "arse burger"; chicken tenders and chicken wings; sandwiches stacked with pastrami or pulled pork or shaved rib-eye; individual-sized pizza; and things like Gaelic chicken, braised sausages with onions and peppers; and shepherd's pie, which arrived in a deep saucepan with a thick crust of mashed tubers. Lots of them, like the whole of Idaho's potato crop. And that was about it for the shepherd's pie. On the upside, the housemade potato chips were good -- really good -- and the burger was fat and juicy.

But, come on: This isn't the kind of stomping ground that you're going to frequent for the food.


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