The ten shittiest nu metal bands
Nu metal is the non-alcoholic beer of metal. Why waste your time? Altering, developing and tweaking metal is fine (see sludge or progressive metal), but nu metal strips away everything that is good about metal and somehow makes it sound tepid and miserable, with generic words describing the collective dejection. Here's the ten shittiest nu metal bands.
10. Staind Staind as in shit stained skid marks of Fat Bastard's underwear in the middle of summer. Not only are they musicians that don't know how to spell, they also don't know how to sing about anything else except bitching about their lives. Music geared towards teenagers sucks ball sacks to anyone who isn't a teenager. Frontman Aaron Lewis is one of the only nu metal musicians who actually knows how to sing, which makes him an idiot for wasting his voice on such a shitty band. He should have just stuck with doing acoustic shows.
9. Korn With its first two and a half albums, Korn was experimenting with a new metal sound. Who knew it was going to turn into a soundtrack for kids whose parents grounded them for whatever heinous atrocities it is that suburban teens commit. This isn't the first music to be run into the ground for record labels to make money, but it was definitely the worst.
8. Limp Bizkit Limp Bizkit honed their craft at generating generic lyrics, "Give me something to break. How 'bout your fucking face." Something? I hate things and stuff, I want to break some stuff. I hate stuff. I want to break things. Limp Bizkit broke into the mainstream with a cover of George Michael's "Faith," and eventually even their fans figured out that they suck and stuff.
7. Godsmack If a metalhead asks you what kind of bands you like and you say Godsmack, expect them to pour a whole can of PBR on your head. Godsmack is one of the leaders of shit metal that gets overplayed on the radio. If God smacks anybody, it should be them.
6. Papa Roach Here's a textbook case of trying too hard. These guys spike their hair and act tough with lyrics that sound like they were written on the shitter: "Cut my life into pieces/This is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing/Don't give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding/This is my last resort." He's suffocating and isn't breathing, yet somehow he had the wherewithal to deliver this drivel?
5. Saliva Proving nu metal is half-assed metal is easier than proving a politician is a liar. With nu metal, the lyrics speak for themselves. Take Saliva's "Click, Click Boom," for example: "Click Click Boom/I'm coming down on the radio/Click Click Boom/I'm coming down with the new style and you know its buck wild/Click Click Boom/I'm on the radio station touring round the nation/Leaving the scene in devastation."
4. Linkin Park Linkin Park is a band that angsty teens latched on to because they hate their lives — even though they've barely lived them. There are thirteen year olds in third world countries who work eighty hours a week. We have teenagers in America, meanwhile, who sulk in their bedrooms about how life is unfair. Linkin Park empathizes: "I've given up/I'm sick of feeling/Is there nothing you can say/Take this all away/I'm suffocating/Tell me what the fuck is wrong/With me."
3. Adema Adema is nu metal's little brother — annoying, whiny and won't shut up and leave you alone. Former lead singer Mark Chavez is Jonathan Davis's younger half brother who wanted to step in the same shit-squishing footsteps that his older brother stepped in. Adema is like nu metal-in-a-box purchased at Hot Topic right next to goth-in-a-box.
2. Dope Dope is most definitely not dope. The band has a lyrical aptitude that makes Insane Clown Posse seem utterly profound: "If somebody's askin' I've gone away/Yeah somebody's packin' and gone to today/The summer was lovely and I enjoyed my stay/Maybe I'll be back one day." Maybe we can roll in the hay, during the month of May. And then we can pray. What do you say? Hey!
1. Vanilla Ice When nu metal and rap-metal was on the rise in the late '90s, Vanilla Ice jumped on that bandwagon, and then quickly fell off. Only about a hundred people know this, or that he also released rap albums every few years after "Ice Ice Baby." How were they? Well, let's just say none of them even managed to stand up to that shitty anthem.
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