Your extreme relaxation is blocking my side mirror.EXPAND
Your extreme relaxation is blocking my side mirror.
Teague Bohlen

Tips for Transplants: Rules for June

June is the month for a lot of things: It's Celibacy Awareness Month, National Bathroom Reading Month, and somehow Fireworks Safety Month, which is happening a month too early. You have to wonder what sort of power and money the fireworks lobbyists must have to have kept that out of July, when apparently it's Hold That Sparkler Closer to Your Face Month.

But of course, it's also the first month of summer, so here are ten things for you to remember in June — along with your SPF 100 sunscreen and some shades that don't make you look like you're trying too hard.

Mile High/summer in the city/coat of my dog feeling dirty and gritty.EXPAND
Mile High/summer in the city/coat of my dog feeling dirty and gritty.
Amy Aletheia Cahill at Flickr

1. Don’t Complain About It Not Being Warm Enough Yet
Because it will be soon enough, and you’ll be sweating through your North Face moisture-wicking-tee. Enjoy the weird weather, since that’s what Colorado is sort of known for — you know, in that same way that everyplace is sort of known for it. The line, “If you don’t like the weather in [fill in name of your hometown here], wait a minute!” is a cliché because it’s true about pretty much anyplace you can name. But what the hell — just because it’s not original doesn’t mean it’s not accurate. Enjoy the blessing of rain when it comes; the last thing we want is another drought, and water rationing, and all the news-van coverage of law-breakers watering at the incorrect time of day. Horrors.

That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.
That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.
Jeremy T. Hetzel at Flickr

2. Understand Why Your Apartment May Not Have A/C
It’s not as ridiculous as it seems, if the house or apartment you’ve just moved into doesn’t have any cooling system whatsoever — it’s just not been updated since the 1980s or '90s, before which the summer climate in Denver was pretty different. Longtime residents will tell you: There used to be a few hot summer nights here and there over the course of an average summer, but generally folks could get by with open windows and fans. Before the 1980s, a 100 degree day in Denver was almost unheard of. More recently — especially since we entered the 21st century — 100 degree days are significantly more common. And so is air conditioning.

3. Dance to City Park Jazz
Denver’s City Park lights up more than just the historic bandshell every Sunday night, inviting the best of local jazz and live music and the whole city to come dance the sun down. On the schedule for June are the Other Black, Pete Wernick & FLEXIGRASS, Linda Styles, and Dotsero — with more goodness to come in July and early August. Bring your baby, bring your blanket, bring your bucket of beer. This is one of the hearts of a Denver summer.

Reading this sign will cost you two tickets.
Reading this sign will cost you two tickets.
Kristal Kraft at Flickr

4. Check Out the People’s Fair
The first weekend in June sees the People’s Fair in Civic Center Park — it’s billed as “Colorado’s oldest neighborhood festival,” and it brings together a diverse group of artists, performers, vendors, food trucks, and more face painting than any kid could possibly enjoy, all in one space. The event itself is free, but pretty much everything you can do there other than the concerts and the people-watching costs some scratch. But generally, any excuse to enjoy a fried corn dog and funnel cake is a good excuse, right?

Hey Sub-Zero: Back-Forward-Down-Forward-B!EXPAND
Hey Sub-Zero: Back-Forward-Down-Forward-B!
Daniel Spiess at Flickr

5. Dive Into Denver Comic-Con
Because more than 100,000 nerds can’t be wrong. Or at least it’s statistically unlikely (and many of them would be happy to compute the exact numerics for you, while you’re waiting in line to see Nathan Fillion, the cast of Stranger Things, or Weird Al Yankovic).  Now in its sixth year, the Con is going to take over most of downtown anyway, so you might as well join in. Get a costume together, bring a camera and a patience for crowds, and get ready to fill up a backpack with some of the coolest crap you don’t need but totally want anyway.

Keep reading for more tips for June.

Red Rocks: center of pelvic sorcery for the greater Denver area.
Red Rocks: center of pelvic sorcery for the greater Denver area.
Kathy Stocker at Flickr

6. Take in a Film on the Rocks
Red Rocks’ movie series goes on all summer, but June is when it’s strongest, boasting a movie nearly every week (most of the summer months only have one or two, and there are none scheduled in August). And with the variety of offerings, there’s something for everyone. If you’re taking kids, Rogue One debuts on June 21. If you’re going with friends you’ve known since the '80s or '90s, you can go sci-fi with The Fifth Element, on June 19, or full-on Swayze with Dirty Dancing on June 5. And if you’re going with a bunch of your besties and imbibing a lot of vodka lemonades, you’ve got Bridesmaids on June 12. Actually, consider the vodka lemonades no matter when or with whom you go. Everything goes better with vodka lemonades.

One of the rare moments in Colorado when if someone asks, "How high are you?," there's actually a definitive answer.EXPAND
One of the rare moments in Colorado when if someone asks, "How high are you?," there's actually a definitive answer.
Moinarch at Flickr

7. Okay, Seriously This Time: Mount Evans Scenic Bypass Will Open
In Rules for May, we mentioned that the Mount Evans Scenic Byway would open as it traditionally would, on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend. Yeah, it didn’t do that, because eleventy feet of snow fell up there. This happens sometimes in colorful Colorado, especially on the highest-in-elevation paved road in North America. But certainly the snow will melt sufficiently for June travel, right? (Ah, who knows. Stay tuned for any requisite updates in Rules for July.)

Getcha chocolate-drizzled cheesecake and strawberries on a stick he-yah!
Getcha chocolate-drizzled cheesecake and strawberries on a stick he-yah!
Christopher Schmidt at Flickr

8. Go See a Day Game Before It’s a Sweaty Endeavor
Baseball is summer’s game, now and forever. The boys of summer, and all that. But afternoon games in July and August usually invite a bad sunburn, and your ball cap isn’t going to do much. There’s nothing like enjoying a cold beer and a hot dog at a ballgame on a warm day — so take yourself out to the ol’ ball game at Coors Field before the temps climb to the point where you don’t really want to leave the comfort of the effective radius of your A/C unit.

Front porches: not just for welcome mats anymore.EXPAND
Front porches: not just for welcome mats anymore.
Teague Bohlen

9. It’s Front-Porch Time
Sure, nearly any month is good for front porches, but June is pretty much perfect. The nights are cool enough to be comfortable, and the warmth of the day will still linger enough that you probably don’t need more than your ratty old sweatshirt that you know you should probably retire but never will. So grab a drink of choice and sit out front for a while. Say hi to your neighbors, dogs being walked, and pretty much anyone who passes. Then refresh your drink and keep on doing it, because it’s why you have a porch, after all. And if you’re one of those people who are unfortunate enough not to have a porch, now’s the time to meet those who do.

Your extreme relaxation is blocking my side mirror.EXPAND
Your extreme relaxation is blocking my side mirror.
Teague Bohlen

10. Drive With Your Windows Rolled Down
It used to be snowing; it’s soon to be hot. Enjoy the mile-high air and the sun and the breeze and the temperate middle ground we call June in Denver. You’re welcome.

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