February 24, 2011 | 8:04pm
Nothing like a flat bang of an episode opening--finally, Snooki has gotten hers (well, again.) But as soon as this dude is in, he's out--he won't cuddle. After Snooki tells him to head out, she gets on the duck phone to call up an old flame. Meanwhile, Ronnie's dad comes to the shore to comfort him after the actual break-up, and brings his Magnum P.I. mustache with him. Dad gives a good dad-like pep talk, urging Ron to stay at the house with his dudes and ladies. He decides to stay.
A miniature motorcyle brought to the house temporarily takes the place of Sammi--as evidenced by Ronnie actually finding enjoyment in something other than fighting. While MVP and Ronnie are occupied with the bike, Snooki sits around all dressed up, but apparently with no where to go. After old flame stands her up, JWoww decides to get to the bottom of things and calls her on-and-off, Roger, to see if she can get the 4-1-1 on Snook's dude. Roger says Snooki's last night bonk, and her old flame and another dude she hooked up with are cousins, or something.
Snooki has played herself. Snooki is bummed. Snooki tries to get it back on with Vinnie, but to no avail. Snooki then tries to understand the fundamental player vs. skank double standard. She, like the rest of the world, fails at it. No matter, the crew heads to the club and gets all kinds of wasted. Back at the house, Vinnie teases Snooki by trying to get in bed with her, and then turns her down for smashing that other dude last night. What a fucker.
The next morning, Ronnie caves and calls Sammi. They discuss the inevitable--her return to the house--and, much to our great saddness, it sounds like this is a possibility. Back on the previous-episode prank trip, Snooki and Deena have decided to stick marshmallows all over the house, and pretend they didn't do it. This pisses The Situation off, so when he is asked to call the girls a cab, he calls one--but he requests they be sent to Times Square. The Sitch wins this one.
The rest of the house gets ready to go to dinner, but The Situation holds everyone up while he shaves, like, four times. Tired of waiting, Ronnie, Pauly and Vinnie leave him at home. JWoww is left to tell him he's been abandoned. The Sitch takes this action as a prank, so he decides to go get some italian food to go, and have a meal with himself. While talking to himself. Totally weird.
Flash to Sammi, who is at her non-Jersey Shore home, packing to head back to the Jersey Shore, of course. Then flash to Deena and Snooki, who have picked up on Mike's prank, and have realized that they are, in fact, heading to Times Square. Flash back to the house, where The Situation passively aggressively talks shit to the dudes for going to eat without him. Flash back to the cab, where the two meatballs have finally been returned to their trip to almost-hell. Snooki labels The Sitch a Jerk-off. This means she's serious.
Just as the credits start to roll, Sammi walks in. Holy shit.
"Is it me, or does he sound ghetto?"
"She took a shit, and he bought a vehicle"
"I don't mind calling--like twenty times in a row." - Snooki
"Where ever you go, there you are" - Ronnie's dad
"When it comes to unclogging this toilet, I just can't hang" - Snooki
"We just realized Mike sent two meatballs to the city"- Deena
"You fucked a guy you've been waiting to go on a date with's friend" - Jwoww
"The meatballs make the best of every situation" - Deena
"My vagina is killing me" - Snooki
"I'm doin' me. He should be proud of that." - Snooki