Ahoy, I have a product tie-in!
Ahoy, I have a product tie-in!

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade: Pretty much one long advertisment

The custom of watching The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, as Kiernan Maletsky pointed out the other day, is one of our more bizarre holiday traditions: There is almost no cultural event more boring than a parade in real life, but watching one on TV? Coma-inducing. Still, for lack of much of anything better to do, and just like everyone else, I found myself staring slack-jawed and googly-eyed at the television Thursday morning, eating a Hot Pocket for some reason and wondering why it was necessary for what amounted to a giant commercial to be interrupted by commercials.

The segment above (sorry about the audio -- apparently somebody recorded this by just filming their TV. Why? I can't begin to fathom it) is probably the most egregious example I saw of straight-up product hawking. Here's a few seconds of facts about this float, followed by a fully 20-second, a semi-related pitch for Disney Cruise Lines, delivered by none other than Katie Couric, who most likely went home and cried herself to sleep afterward because has become a cruel, sad joke.

That segment was followed by a few seconds of the U.S. Pizza Team and then a lengthy commercial break. Then it was Jimmy Fallon with The Roots, whose strong heritage-based black identity has been co-opted by the worst ofay douchbag ever to ruin every Saturday Night Live sketch he's ever been in. At that point, I watched the rest of the parade mostly because I had become too depressed to move.

For serious, though: Why do we watch this shit? Discuss.


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