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This week's most ridiculous trailer: Hatchet II

When we go to see horror films, we already know basically what's going to happen: There will be teenagers feeling each other up, those teenagers will die because of their immorality, then the black guy will die because the black guy always dies, then there will be some gore, then some more gore and then 45 minutes or so of more gore for good measure before the plucky heroine self-realizes and vanquishes the psycho killer back to the loosely guarded hell that allows for a sequel. Most of these things are incidental. What we go for is the gore. What we do not go for is "words" that "say" things. And that's exactly where this week's most ridiculous trailer goes wrong.

What's that you say? You say in 2007 a new horror film was released... with the... thing... yawn.

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Boring.

Note to people who make trailers for horror films: As a collective populace, our attention span for reading things averages about 17 seconds -- we're not even reading this blog anymore. Not only did you double that with 30 seconds of lame quotes, you expended half the trailer with those lame quotes, and they do little to establish why we should see this film. You can tell us how great you are all you want, but as Jerry McGuire might have said, "Show me the money."

You show us yours, we'll show you ours.

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