Getting a Footy Hold

HELP WANTED: Tradition-rich athletic team seeks nineteen- or twenty-year-old American who can run like crazed jaguar for two solid hours. Must leap like Michael Jordan, kick leather like David Beckham, possess hand-eye skills of Champ Bailey. Awesome physique not essential, but uncommon courage required — job involves frequent collisions with…

Skier, Beware

On February 20, 2004, Julia Parsons nipped out from her job as a Vail real-estate agent for a quick bit of afternoon skiing on the local mountain. It’s one of her favorite things to do, a big reason she’d moved up to Vail from Denver six years earlier. Parsons hits…

Short-Order Cooking

On a Monday afternoon in early March, the Johnson & Wales University athletic department buzzed with activity. Tom Pancoe, assistant athletic director, sports information director and sole team trainer, shoved Ace wraps, bandages and athletic tape into a boxy black travel bag. “I have to call the airlines to make…

Play Ball!

Another big-league baseball season is all but upon us, and the prelude is decorated with the usual fond hopes — even in Denver and Tampa. But the game seems more deeply troubled than ever. Players shooting steroids. Barry Bonds on the verge of murder at a press conference. The Damn…

Big Heir

A few years ago, I started to notice clumps of scruffy-looking young men loitering around the parking lot of my favorite snowboarding hill, Loveland. Their arrival was in synch with my departure: My weekend strategy had been to arrive early and then leave after four good hours, hoping to beat…

How High Can They Fly?

In the midst of the hip, the hop and the hype, the NBA All-Stars managed to shoot a little hoop over the weekend. As befits the Mile High City, some would say, most of it was above the rim. From the rookie-sophomore game on Friday night to the slam-dunk contest…

Numbers Crunch

Then those Things ran about With big bumps, jumps and kicks And with hops and big thumps And all kinds of bad tricks. — The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Seuss Just because you enjoy having guests doesn’t mean you have to invite everyone. Every organization has its Things…

The Pause That Refreshes

George Karl, the Wizard of Westdenver, will get a little breather next weekend when the NBA All-Stars come to town. That’s because none of the delinquents in his just-founded reform school — not Carmelo Anthony, not Kenyon Martin, not Marcus Camby — got enough votes to earn a roster spot…

Spring Fever

If you think of the four events of an all-around gymnastics competition as musical pieces, then the vault is a single, piercing high note that must be nailed without warmup. During the floor exercise, and on the uneven bars and balance beam, a gymnast has the opportunity to ease into…

Buck Up, Puckheads

Peter Forsberg’s in Sweden. Joe Sakic’s in limbo. The most inept commissioner in professional sports, Gary Bettman, is in dutch — with everyone from the wheat farmers in Bemidji to the guys who sell hot dogs at the Pepsi Center. In other words, the stars have been perfectly aligned this…

Slip Service

On a recent evening, Lori Bushere sweeps into the Sports Channel, a biker-friendly watering hole on West Colfax. She’s about twenty minutes late — her standard timing. She wears a dark, pinstriped business suit, steep heels, tall and teased ’80s hair, long, elaborately painted nails and a deep mid-winter tan…

Horsepower Versus Horse Manure?

Just for grins, John Elway’s handsome new saloon in Cherry Creek offers something called a “Smashburger” — a nice hunk of prime steak that’s run through the grinder, knocked into an edible shape, expertly broiled and served without a roll. Nine bucks. Wonder if Elway was thinking about his old…

Slippery Slopes

The skier was shooting downhill while a snowmobile driven by a young Vail Resorts worker was speeding uphill. At a blind spot on the slope, they collided. Sound familiar? Except this skier wasn’t thirteen-year-old Ashley Stamp, who died December 19 from injuries she sustained when she slammed into a snowmobile…

By Hooker or Crook

Wonderful game, baseball. Nothing quite like the sights and sounds of the good old national pastime. The happy crack of hickory on horsehide. The dazzle of white flannel against a freshly mowed acre of emerald-green outfield. The irrepressible excitement of kids high up in the stands, faces aglow beneath their…

Locked and Loaded

The most disconcerting moment of playing Special Forces, a video game developed by the U.S. Army, comes after one of the terrorists hits you with gunfire or grenade shrapnel. You immediately crumple to the ground — but apparently you don’t die right away. Your view suddenly skewed sideways, you watch…

Shanny and Snake Ain’t Jake

My favorite news item of recent weeks is the one about the family in New York that’s suing a restaurant chain for $10 million because one of those showy Japanese hibachi chefs flipped a grilled shrimp at a customer. Whether the guy was trying to catch the hot morsel in…

Fat Chance

Three years ago, Jack Le of Denver took what he anticipated was a giant step toward realizing a part of the American dream. It has become a goal so crucial to success in this country that it is said to shape personalities, enhance romance, elevate career paths and promote excellent…

Merger Mania

Most Nuggets fans can’t read tea leaves, but they’re pretty good with injury reports. Either way, universal health care will be critical to the immediate fortunes of a team that leaped into the season full of newfound hopes and dreams but quickly found its baby-blue ass in a 2-5 sling…

Sky Pilot

Initial reports pegged Rick Bobbitt’s stunt at last month’s Santa Fe Air Show as a relatively easy maneuver called a hammerhead. A former Navy aviator, current United Airlines flight officer and experienced aerobatic competitor, the 46-year-old Parker resident was certainly qualified to perform the trick. The International Aerobatic Club gave…

At a Loss

That pointy brown thing that turns up in the U.S. of A. every autumn is a football — a fact that has escaped most of Colorado’s major colleges and universities this year and has dawned only occasionally on the Emperor of Invesco, Mike Shanahan. Herewith five ways of looking at…

The Blame Game

Carmelo Anthony received a summons Oct. 15 at Denver International Airport after a small amount of marijuana was found in his bag as the team prepared to travel to Milwaukee for an exhibition game. Anthony’s lawyer, Daniel Recht, said the marijuana belonged to James Cunningham, who often stays with Anthony…

Ice Follies

The good thing about the hockey lockout? Todd Bertuzzi is looking for work. The bad thing? Nobody gets to drive the Zamboni, big lovable galoot of a vehicle that it is. Otherwise, who the hell cares? Not many. Except for the good citizens of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, the people who…