Audio By Carbonatix
The demands from the pig pluckers, who ran off with Euclid Hall’s pig mascot last Sunday during EatDenver’s The Big Eat, have risen — and they keep getting more and more hilarious.
Initially, the ransom note called for five servings of bone marrow and five fine whiskeys to be placed on a table near the door of the restaurant at precisely 5 p.m. on Sunday; it also insisted on sponge baths from head chef Jorel Pierce, the occasion of which would take place at a later date. Later, the cartel pressed for a rubber ducky.
And now the requirements from the Sowbionese Liberation Army — the group behind the piggy heist — have escalated, while some of the demands have been withdrawn (at least they’re willing to negotiate).
Seems the 5 p.m. time slot wasn’t agreeable to the Euclid crew: “We’re awfully busy on Sundays, not sure we can get another 5 top in the door – especially dressed in camo,” wrote a commenter named “Kids in the Hall,” a reader who we assume is a Euclid Hall teacher or student.
In response to that note, the Sowbionese Liberation Army had this retort:
Kids in the Hall,
Since you cannot serve us @ 5PM, we demand to be served @ 3PM. Because of the time change, more demands must be met. We will pardon Jorel of the sponge baths, however, he must serve our table wearing a tutu. We still want a rubber duckie on the table as our centerpiece.
Remember Piggy Hearst!!!!
No funny stuff,
The Sowbionese Liberation Army
Jorel in a tutu. At least he gets to choose his own color — for now.
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