45 Second Reviews: pureNRG, Puscifer, Robyn, Santogold

pureNRG Here We Go Again Word Entertainment

02:30-03:15 of “Here We Go Again” This is one of the most totally awesome releases that I’ve heard in a long time! OMG I am so excited that FINALLY there is a group out there that is full of love and energy for Jesus. We all know that all those other bands that pull the kid friendly pop-music style like Miley Cyrus are devil-worshipping hoe-bags, so I’m totally stoked that we are all given the opportunity to praise and have fun!

Puscifer V is for Viagra – The Remixes Puscifer LLC

02:00-02:45 of “Country Boner (Disco Viagra Mix) Generally speaking I would hold off on remix albums of compilations for these reviews for obvious reasons. I couldn’t avoid this one however – the stupid name, the bad title, the awful songs – sounds right up my alley. So I listened to it. And I feel stupider already. If this isn’t frat boy, YouTube, Guitar Hero-playing, beer-bong-taking, date-raping music I don’t know what is. It’s kind of like if Sarah Silverman decided to release an album about how she “fucked Willie Nelson, fucked him deep inside.” Oh, and I’m pretty sure it’s the guy from the sodomy friendly metal-prog crap fest that calls themselves Tools.

Robyn S/T Konichiwa Records

01:15-02:00 of “Be Mine!” I am so confused as to why a Swedish pop singer would be on a record label with a Japanese name. I’m even more confused as to why I’m bobbing my head to the ludicrous music that is playing right now. I feel like a grilled cheese sandwich at Barracuda’s on a brisk Saturday night.

Santogold S/T Downtown Music

01:00-01:45 of “L.E.S. Artistes” The music world is a little strange right now. You can find critically acclaimed and lauded albums like M.I.A. at the checkout stand at Target. You will hear some super hip tunes playing in commercials and at the end of Grey’s Anatomy. And then you’ll hear this aspiring young artist named Santogold playing some weird music that sounds like a cross of Peter Gabriel’s “Don’t Give Up” and Musical Youth’s “Pass the Dutchie.” I don’t know what to think, stupid 45 second rule. --Thorin Klosowski

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