45 Second Reviews: The Cool Kids, Scarlett Johansson, The Myriad, The Ting Tings

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The Cool Kids The Bake Sale Chocolate Industries

01:05-01:50 of “What Up Man” Don’t get me wrong, I believe that hip-hop, like every other genre, has a lot of elbow room to explore and expand styles – but, well, this just isn’t there yet. I see that the Cool Kids are trying really hard to rock the body like Eric B and Rakim, they just can’t pull it off. Of course, a stupid name certainly isn’t helping anybody.

Scarlett Johansson Anywhere I Lay My Head Periwinkle Entertainment

02:00-02:45 of “Anywhere I Lay My Head” If I could somehow write down the sound that I make as I vomit inside my mouth, swallow it, and than vomit again all over myself, it would perfectly describe my reaction this album. I think the word would look something like this: “Brrrhhmmmm...glllp...Blaarrgggaaagghhhhhugblaaaaah.” It’s not just because this is Scarlett Johansson, it’s because it’s bad, no matter who you are.

The Myriad With Arrows, With Poise Koch Records

01:00-01:45 of “A Clean Shot” If you’re going to name your band the Myriad, you are probably really pretentious and I expect your music to reflect that. Instead, this is the same old boring U2-inspired crap that seems to be reproducing itself exponentially as of late. You know, they could have at least used the Myriad font if they aren’t going to sound massive.

The Ting Tings We Started Nothing Sony/BMG

02:25-03:15 of “That’s Not My Name” “That’s Not My Name” is B-52’s-inspired pop-electro-blah-blah that features that annoying-as-crap girl singer who seems to fluctuate between talking and singing in a strange and boring fashion. Yeah, it’s danceable, sure its fun – but that doesn’t make it right. Oh, they’re in an iPod commercial, too. --Thorin Klosowski

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