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An extensive breakdown of Pictureplane's "13 rules to make a great Witch House song"

Visual artist and Modern Witch member Mario Zoots inadvertently explained the meaning behind Witch House a few weeks ago, and now Pictureplane, who coined the term, has given us The 13 essential rules of Witch House, which he created at the request of Znaki. We've attempted to decipher this edict to the best of our ability. After reading this and paying a visit to the Witch House//Chill Wave//name generator, you should have more than enough to start a Witch House troupe of your very own. Off you go.

Pictureplane's 13 rules to make a great Witch House song:

1. Don't listen to any "witch house." Create from your inner witch.

This is P-Plane's easiest applied advice--If your "inner witch" looks or sounds remotely like Stevie Nicks, you're ahead of the game. Need some inspiration? Grab a VHS copy of Teen Witch, watch and learn.

2. Eat pomegranate. A lot. And use your hands to separate the seeds from the outer skin, don't buy pre-separated seeds.

Nourish that inner witch. Is there more a sorcerous fruit than the bursting membranes of a pomegranate? We think not. After all, witches don't eat or drink what's brewed in their cauldrons--that's where spells come from, duh.

3. Study the "Your Body" video by Psychic TV, and the essays "T.A.Z", "Sorcery", and "Immediatism" by Hakim Bey, and "Thee splinter test" by genesis P-Orridge.

P-Plane has given you the abridged version of your Witch House study guide, and enough internet digging should yield the entire PTV discography, so get to work -- there is a lot of material to cover.

4. Fuck. a lot.

See rule number five, then proceed with number four.

5. Take MDMA and go to a strip club.

Trip balls, check out some naked women (or men. Or both.)

6. Keep onyx with you at all times, keep citrine in the space where you create, travel with moonstone, and give the gift of jade to someone special.

Witch House isn't just a genre, it's a precious stone-collecting lifestyle.

7. Scent yourself with oils, stay away from pesticides, and find a shade of lipstick that suits your face.

In other words, smell, dress and live as Pictureplane.

8. Do graffiti.

Okay, sure.

9. Have fun, stop to smell the roses, and frolic in a fucking sunny meadow.

This seems like great advice for the majority of the human population, but it just might be the key to tapping into your inner witch -- instead of making a hipstamatic print of some roses with your iPhone, stop and actually enjoy the flowers in front of you. Real witches are all about this nature shit.

10. Quit your job.

Being a Witch House creator is a full-time job in itself. You've not only have music to make, but some serious visual accompaniments to create and a whole new alphabet to learn. (Hint: The letter A is now a triangle.) But seriously, have you even started your Genesis P-Orridge studies yet?

11. Listen to DJ nate.

Study up on your Footwork and Juke. Note: Footwork and Juking have nothing to do with Krumping, so don't get them confused.

12. Understand you have been lied to your whole life. And that nothing is permanent.

See the Hakim Bey readings referenced in number three.

13. FEEL.

We think what Pictureplane means here is, get a mantra. He's got "Real is a Feeling" on lock. What's yours?

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Bree Davies is a multimedia journalist, artist advocate and community organizer born and raised in Denver. Rooted in the world of Do-It-Yourself arts and music, Davies co-founded Titwrench experimental music festival, is host of the local music and comedy show Sounds on 29th on CPT12 Colorado Public Television and is creator and host of the civic and social issue-focused podcast, Hello? Denver? Are You Still There? Her work is centered on a passionate advocacy for all ages, accessible, inclusive, non-commercial and autonomous DIY art spaces and music venues in Denver.
Contact: Bree Davies