After being urged to withhold the airing of Katy Perry's appearance on Sesame Street, someone over at PBS clearly needs a guidebook of which musicians not to hire for the show. What were they expecting, exactly? Did they miss the whole bit about her kissing a girl and liking it, or that whole bit about her being hot enough to melt your Popsicle? We're guessing one of the producers' kids suggested Perry, and they just went with it. Whatever the case, we've gathered together a tip sheet of sorts for the programmers at PBS of other acts that shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the set of Sesame Street.
5. Varg Vikernes Look, we know you're trying to go all multi-cultural on the show, and when you're setting up the show about Vikings, you're probably going to be looking for someone from Norway. Please don't pick Varg Vikernes, though: We know he looks like a pleasant enough guy these days, but don't forget the fact that he was convicted of murder in 1994 -- oh, and the arson of historic churches.
4. Jah Cure When you're on the hunt for a fun-loving reggae musician for your Jamaican special, you'll want to immediately rule out Jah Cure. You see, he has a rather unfortunate past -- namely, that he was convicted of robbery and rape at gunpoint. You might think you're just going to end up with a whacked-out stoner, but be wary: Even reggae culture has its dark side.
3. Fergie Your daughters just love to dance around to "My Humps" all day long, but that doesn't mean you should have Fergie on Sesame Street. You've already had will.i.am. Isn't that enough? She might like to spell out words in her songs, and we understand that's appealing -- but wouldn't you rather have an artist who could at least spell correctly?
2. Lady Gaga We get it, Lady Gaga looks like a children's toy -- but trust us, after seeing her in that wacky meat dress recently, we're pretty damn sure she shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a children's TV show set. She'd probably remain on her best behavior, but you just know that she'd try to steal the Big Bird costume while she was there.
1. Insane Clown Posse We saw the video for "Miracles" and immediately thought about children's shows, too, but trust us on this one: Even though the act has "clown" in its name, you don't want these guys on your show. We can guarantee something bad would happen. We know you folks over at PBS are a little out of touch with pop culture sometimes, which is the only reason we're mentioning it -- that and the fact that we don't want anyone to forget this video actually happened. Besides, we're no Ph.D.s, but we're pretty sure their science is a little faulty.
See also: Sesame Street's five best musical cameos.
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