Insane Clown Posse's new video for "Miracles" (see above) has been blowing up the Internet for a few days now. The ridiculous, syrupy rap song about the many "miracles" of existence, and more especially, the jaw-droppingly stupid video that accompanies it, lead to one, inescapable conclusion: the Insane Clown Posse is about to reach phase two of their plan for global domination.
The Possee is about to transform into a Christian cult.
Seriously, if you take the curse words out of the video and wipe that ridiculous clown makeup off the jackasses rapping, these dudes could make a (second) mint off touring the mega-church circuit with this song. But they don't need to, because they've got a big enough audience of incredibly and inexplicably devout followers start their own mega-church -- which is precisely what they plan to do.
That's right, we're calling it. Let the conspiracy-theorizing start here: ICP is turning their marketing savvy and army of dedicated followers into the next big Christian cult. Step aside Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons -- the Church of Jesus Christ, Latter Day Clown is on the rise.
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All the hallmarks of your full-blown fundie craziness are on display in the video: Rejection of science, willful ignorance, undue appreciation and complete misunderstanding of "miracles" like rainbows, giraffes and basic genetics ("Wow! My kids look like me! Fucking amazing!"). Add the ICP cult's disrespect and hostility toward women, and you might as well be talking about your average member of the 700 Club.
Oh, and we should probably mention that ICP already has the kind of intricate, insane crypto-Christian mythology that any good modern day cult needs, full of borrowed symbolism, dream-inspired gospel and sheer, bugfuck insanity. It's called the Dark Carnival and it's at least as wacky as Joseph Smith's golden tablets and special glasses.
If there's anything the hardcore Christian right has proved in the past fifty years, it's that in this country, you can get away with all kind of crazy bullshit if you put the word "Christian" in front of it -- see everything Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and their kind have said about AIDS, terrorism, women or natural disasters, ever. Also, the Catholic Church and pedophilia. Next to that, a bunch of clowns for Christ seems downright tame.
So five years from now, when ICP evolves into the Next Big Thing, absorbs the "mainstream" fundamentalists and leads Christ's Clown Armies against the unbelievers in a fury of hatchet-swinging violence, don't say we didn't warn you. It all started with "Miracles."