Thankfully, New Year's resolutions are like most rising EDM producer's beats: Shortly after being revealed to the world they are forgotten about and never again talked about. That's not a jab at rising producers (we support you and your efforts – take a joke, sheesh) but more a stab at our communal American lack of discipline. The first of January is not a good day to buy a gym membership. It's also the wrong day to flush cigarettes, vow to find love in the next 365 days, or commit to eating only non-GMO fair-trade Wagyu beef.
We know the first of January is good for exchanging phone numbers with someone whose last name you don't want to know, and for reminding yourself that it's okay to just keep doing you. We know we shouldn't judge so harshly. But this didn't stop us from asking some prominent DJs and producers what their New Year's resolutions are, and then allowing a music critic (who's too scared to commit to much of anything) to analyze them — while smoking the same kind of cigarettes he promised to quit smoking last year.
Name: Denis Jasarevic
2015 resolution: to finish my EP
Fulfilled? see this year's resolution
2016 resolution: to finish my EP
Analysis: Mr. Jasarevic is obviously struggling with commitment issues with this resolution. The “EP” may perhaps be a precursor to an album of sorts, but it could also represent a deeper longing to get back to his hip-hop roots – arguably where Gramatik could make the biggest impact with his music. Dance music is fun and all, but he's got an inner voice that is dying to crawl out and produce a Kendrick Lamar beat.
Name: Matthew Koma
Artist/Band: Matthew Koma and the Keanu Reeves Collective
Age: 16 / M / NY U?
2015 resolution: to eat more pie
Fulfilled? I ate more pie
2016 resolution: To eat less pie.
Analysis: We've never seen anyone directly reference AOL chatroom pick-up lines when resolving a new year, but Mr. Koma went there. This might come in handy at certain all-ages clubs, but for the most part A/S/L is best relegated to the netherworld of Internet terms never to be used again. However, if it's pie he's looking for, then he'll probably hear “Legal/Yes/Backstage” a lot this year.
Name: Michal Menert
Artist/Band: Michal Menert & The Pretty Fantastics
2015 resolution: put out 100 songs
Fulfilled? No (put out about 50)
2016 resolution: This year I want to help save the world from itself.
Analysis: Meeting half of one's resolution is not so bad – it certainly beats the alternative of not meeting it at all. However, it's a grand scheme to save the world from itself, but if any outfit of EDM superheroes can do it, it's a group of individuals called The Pretty Fantastics.
Name: Matt Hollingsworth
Artist/Band: Darklove/Charlie Frown
2015 Resolution: Finish the album, release it
2016 Resolution: Vinyl or cassette release
Analysis: The vinyl record industry has seen a boom in recent years as more artists circled back to the tangible and nostalgic concept of distributing music in physical form. Mr. Hollingsworth's focus on that nostalgia could be related to the era from which he draws inspiration, and we'll see in the coming months what that produces.
Name: Clayton Knight
2015 resolution: I don't make resolutions
Fulfilled? (Editor's note: Is 'I don't make resolutions' in fact a resolution?)
2016 resolution: (See Last year's resolution)
Analysis: When Mr. Knight told us his resolution he was playing video games on a holiday break. How he managed to tap into all seven of his chakras and drop some existential philosophy within a seemingly contradictory statement? We couldn't help but resolve to pour champagne all over our bodies and tattoo 2016 on our faces.
Name: Nate Lappegard
Artist/Band: Tnure, Ishe
2015 resolution: Have fun, make music, get back into promoting shows.
2016 resolution: Continue to build the event company, release at least twelve tunes, and continue to stay relevant in the underground dance music culture in Denver and the world.
Analysis: Not much to analyze here. Mr. Lappegard pretty much puts it all out there. If you can look back on the year and see fulfillment then you've done it right.
Name: Brennen Bryarly
2015 resolution: Eat 7,000 tacos.
Fulfilled? Yes – doubled it.
2016 resolution: Eat less than 7,000 tacos and drive by a treadmill at least once.
Analysis: We were unaware tacos inspire you to drop massive house tracks whilst producing weekly events in some of the hottest clubs in the city, but apparently that's what it takes. We hope it wasn't taco number 7,001 that made this possible, but maybe driving by a treadmill will push option4 into the progressive house realm – maybe even drum and bass. Maybe?
Name: Nicole Cacciavillano
Artist/Band: Sub.mission Dubstep
2015 resolution: Use the agency to help spread dubstep vibes nationally. Locally I wanted to focus on the roots and foundation in order to grow a healthy scene.
Fulfilled? Hell Yes!
2016 resolution: Throw events that will allow for exposure to the new generation of the full sound spectrum of dubstep.
Analysis: Mrs. Cacciavillano is no stranger to discipline and staying true to one's self. She's been pushing true dubstep for nearly a decade in Denver, and you can trust if she is promising herself to allow for exposure to the new generation of the full sound spectrum of dubstep, then it's going to happen.
Name: Pruitt Poythress
2015 Resolution: To play Red Rocks.
Fulfilled? Yeah, but then I woke up. One day though.
2016 Resolution: To making people happy through music.
Analysis: We all dream big, and it is perhaps the dream of many musicians to grace the stages between the two most famous stones in rock and roll (Mick and Keith not included). However, dreams start on small building blocks, and an upcoming Bluebird show is but one way to get to Morrison.
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Name: Vinnie Maniscalco
Artist/Band: Vinnie Maniscalco
2015 resolution: Make my music more available on official outlets like iTunes, Spotify, Etc.
2016 resolution: Release an EP and focus more on original music instead of remixes and get away from using samples.
Analysis: There's a tinge of distaste for the past here — perhaps an unresolved issue with a lost mixtape that never saw the light of day? Any lingering regret can be fixed simply by doing what is proposed. We'll look for Vinnie's original tunes in the future, and the openness allows for accountability.
Name: Flynt Flossy, F. Floss, Flynt Flo Double
Artist/Band: Turquoise Jeep
Age: "I'm like Ra's Al Ghul from Batman"
2015 resolution: It was more like a promise to myself to continue inspiring other artists.
Fulfilled: I hope so!
2016 resolution: To push even harder, so that one day all of planet Earth shall experience my art.
Analysis: Floss is a boss. Whether he's making the cleaning lady hate him, or being treated like a pirate so he gets that booty, Flynt Flossy and the Turquoise Jeep squad are ready to tackle the new year. To be like Ra's Al Ghul, though, implies an uncanny ability to be everywhere at all times.