Top ten incongruous celebrity couplings

Celebrities have an uncanny knack of doing whatever the hell they want, seemingly with no regard to what we the public think they should be doing. Because of their insistence not to listen to what we have to say, they've subsequently become entangled in a number of strange relationships which we've chronicled below, the latest of which is rumored to be Billy Corgan and Jessica Simpson (Rolling Stone pictures don't lie, do they?). That got us to thinking about some other odd celebrity couples.

10. Stephanie Seymour and Axl Rose We never fully understood the appeal of Axl Rose. Sure, he's the lead singer of songs like "Sweet Child o' Mine" and "November Rain," but seriously, that bandana? How did Stephanie Seymour think that was a good idea? Maybe she was wooed by the prospect of Chinese Democracy.

9. Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore We've got a sneaking suspicion that Mandy Moore is actually blind. Or maybe that indie-look really is in.

8. Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson We don't actually care how these two met, but we do find it a bit odd they stayed together. You see, we always thought Ashlee Simpson was faking the whole punk rocker thing and then she meets Pete Wentz, who really is a hardcore punk rocker. So maybe it all makes sense. Wait, what's that? He's in Fallout Boy? Nevermind.

7. Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley When the uptown girl and the goateed piano man hooked up it was one of the greatest moments in the history of dad-rock. It gave hope to all piano playing doo-wop dorks across the globe that perhaps they, too, could snag themselves a Sports Illustrated Model. It doesn't make it any less bizarre though, maybe love really is blind.

6. Winona Ryder and Everyone Conor Obert, Beck, Jakob Dylan, Eric Clapton, David Duchovney, Matt Damon, Daniel Day Lewis, Christian Slater, Johnny Depp, Tre Cool, Ryan Adams, Blake Sennett, Bugs Bunny, Neil Armstrong, George Washington. 'Nuff Said.

5. Billy Corgan and Jessica Simpson We have no confirmation that this is true, of course. If it is, though, this is off the charts bizarre. Nobody wants to believe their childhood hero and songwriter of such great lyrics as "despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage" could ever sink so low they'd want to date the singer of lines like "Don't be afraid to pray out loud."

4. Seal and Heidi Klum The only man on earth who can pull off white pants hooks up with a woman who has never put on pants in her life. Then they talk about having babies. Soccer mom's across the globe sighed when they received the news Seal was off the market, and subsequently listened to "Kiss From a Rose" on repeat.

3. Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen Lance Armstrong rides bikes for a living. We don't actually know what Ashley Olsen does for a living, but we're pretty sure it doesn't involve riding bikes. Besides, we figured Ashley Olsen would have ended up dating Bob Sagat if she was going to go for an older guy, or maybe if she was feeling a bit self-destructive Charlie Sheen. It's good to know Lance overcame cancer so he could boink a twin, though.

2. Marilyn Manson and Anyone We vaguely remember rumors of Marilyn Manson cutting off his own penis -- but that might have just been some weird way our parents were trying to get us to stop listening to his music. Either way, we can't actually visualize Marilyn Manson dating anyone. He's kind of one of those asexual creatures that should just mate with himself and leave the rest of us alone.

1. Devendra Banhart and Natalie Portman They're no longer together as far as we know, but why the fuck did these two hit it off in the first place? Seriously. Rich fake-hippy hooks up with actress who we're pretty sure was in a Star Wars movie, and they make out and eat vegetarian cuisine and pretend to listen to folk music, the end. Weird. Maybe Banhart just had a thing for weird white face paint, in which case we might suggest Marilyn Manson. Now there's a coupling we wouldn't be surprised by.

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Thorin Klosowski
Contact: Thorin Klosowski