Politics

Alternative Funding Suggestions for John McCain

“Age was never an issue when you stuck to your guns!” White House Communications Director Connie Spano reminds youthful President Whitmore minutes before spaceships begin demolishing all humans in that keenest of all political meditations, Independence Day. For John McCain, who loves guns and those who shoot them, his 71 years of age has been an issue throughout his campaign—Huckabee crony Chuck Norris infamously said he couldn’t vote for McCain because he was too old, only to have Sly Stallone and McCain’s feisty 95-year-old mother Roberta defend McCain with vim and vigor. But it seems like Chuck wasn’t the only one with reservations.

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Sean Cronin