Schmuck of the Week

Broncos fans: We are all schmucks this week

The most recent news item on the Denver Broncos' official website is entitled, "Sacking Negativity." Nothing breeds optimism like chin-up articles from the team 6 days into training camp! But hey -- at least they'll be sacking something this season. Forget the past. Forget how good this team might have been with Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall and Mike Shanahan. After all, Cutler can't figure out what color jersey he's supposed to be throwing to, Marshall is seven years old and we have no idea how good Shanahan will be.

So forget what might have been. Let's focus on the reality of the 2010-2011 Denver Broncos, which is looking bleaker and bleaker every day of this infant season.

Yesterday, the team lost its best player and reigning NFL sack leader, Elvis Dumervil, to a torn chest muscle. He's probably gone for the season. Today, Jarvis Moss broke his hand. Moss and Robert Ayers were supposed to be filling the gap left by Dumervil. And at this rate, it would probably be in the team's best interest to stick Ayers in an incubator until the preseason.

This is just the latest in what has already been a disastrous start for the Broncos. They lost their top two running backs, Correll Buckhalter and Knowshon Moreno, to a back and a hamstring injury, respectively, on the first day of practice. The team signed hometown boy LenDale White this week (he promptly injured himself in today's practice, of course). White was last seen being cut by the lowly Seattle Seahawks.

So what, exactly, are we supposed to be getting excited about right now? The prospect of Tim Tebow's crash course in the size and speed of the NFL's defensive backs? Kyle Orton "game-managing" his way to three field goals per outing? The start of the NBA season?

Look, we're going to support this team no matter what the depth chart looks like on September 12, when the regular season kicks off against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Even if I'm (5'11", 175 lbs.) the team's starting halfback. Even if we end up picking in the top five in next year's draft. And that's why Broncos fans, all of us, are this week's shmuck. We can't help it -- we've been sacked by negativity.

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Kiernan Maletsky is Westword's music editor. His writing has appeared in alt-weeklies around the country as well as Miley Cyrus's mom's Twitter feed.
Contact: Kiernan Maletsky