We know, we know: Halloween took place over a week ago.
But this strange story out of the Eagle County Blade from 1905 about a real life mad scientist is just too good to not pass on to you, dear Colorado Cannabis Time Capsule reader.
While what the doctor about inducing hallucinations through drugs and blows to the noggin' is most true, his comments on hash are particularly chilling.
"Human Brain at the Mercy of Scientists," screams the headline, which is followed by quote straight out of a Fritz Lang film: "Ghosts, hallucinations -- pah! I can make ghosts.... It is a mere matter of drugs and knocks on the head."
He's right, obviously. But this was probably a new concept to some people in Eagle County at the time, and the doctor goes into detail about how the brain can be manipulated by all sorts of things. In his words, "What is it that does our feeling, rejoicing, mourning, hoping, fearing, thinking for us? It is a mass of fat, of phosphorized fat, two pounds in weight called the brain."
And that's where he could have left it. But instead, he takes the lecture to a much stranger place: "And the time is now come when we can play tricks on it -- when we can deluge it with ghosts, poultergorsts [sic], djinns, hobgoblins, doppelgangers, phantoms."
That's when the lecture on how to make the Bishop of Esk hallucinate hot babes for a half hour using belladonna begins. After that, he quickly turns to a discussion on how to make you think you're in paradise after opium-induced hypnosis. He could blame it on ghosts and you'd believe it, he asserts.
Then back to the evil: "If I had an enemy and wished to drive him to suicide, I would give him hasheesh on the quiet."
Seriously. Read on:
It's not so much that he's wrong. But he's clearly thought out how to kill his enemies using his obtained medical knowledge. Or at least he thinks he's thought it out.
The unnamed mad doctor winds things up with a lecture on how to make people have auditory and olfactory hallucinations using a club to the cranium: "A whack in a third place would give you phantom sensations of cold."
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Apparently it took a medical degree to determine that in 1905.
"Therefore, don't have a superstitious belief in ghosts or hallucinations," he concluded.
But clearly have a healthy fear of batshit crazy brain doctors.
More from our Colorado Cannabis Time Capsule archive: "1901: Stoner fisherman tells a whopper of a tale" and "1904: Dockworker's secret stash makes him talk like a god."