Channel 31 stars go from anchors to skank-ers

The folks at Denver Magazine call their September edition "The Men's Issue," and no wonder. The two women on the cover are literally busting out of their flirtatious attire, with the girliest of the two wearing a breast-boosting garment that turns her wiggle rack into an awesome blossom. Meanwhile, her more masculine partner is clad in an open shirt from which one mam threatens to escape as she perches spread-legged on a chair and holds a cigar that, with apologies to Sigmund Freud, isn't just a cigar in this case. As a bonus, the sitting woman has her arm looped suggestively through the crooked leg of her gal pal, whose crotch is at mouth height.

Scissor sisters relaxing on the set of their latest Skinemax sextravaganza, The Goodies: Live Hard, Get Hard? No, they're Libby Weaver and Natalie Tysdal, anchors for programs on Channel 31.

What... the... hell?

Dennis Leonard, the general manager of Channel 31 and its affiliate, Channel 2, has made controversial decisions in the past, including rebranding Channel 2 as The Deuce -- a term the Urban Dictionary defines as "a crap measuring 2 lbs. or better." (Sample sentence: "My bung hole was torn by the deuce!") Leonard tried to laugh off this association in March, declaring, "It's the shit, dude!," and more chuckles followed. Shortly after making this statement, Channel 2's 9 p.m. newscast was reimagined as the 7 p.m. feature News on the Deuce, whose debut was unintentionally side-splitting. Too bad that since then, the program has devolved into a god-awful hybrid of infotainment and music, with some news fragments sprinkled in. The results are about as hip as a fifty-year old with a neck tattoo of Lady Gaga.

Given these decisions, the shot of Tysdal and Weaver posing like Z-list celebs willing to display their wares for one last Playboy spread isn't all that surprising. After all, Leonard and company haven't exactly made journalistic credibility their top priority. Besides, the ratings will go up whether people tune in to hear about the day's top stories or because they want to ogle lady lumps. Now, where did I put my hand lotion?

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts