We don't reveal our Schmuck of the Week until Fridays -- and there's no denying that 29-year-old Christopher Snow would have made a great candidate for this sought-after honor.
But we just couldn't wait to tell you about Snow's bold leap into the ranks of dopey criminals, via an alleged burglary attempt of a prominent local gun shop and his subsequent escape bid.
Where from? The Jefferson County Sheriff's Office.
Denver Guns & Ammo, located at 8250 West Coal Mine Avenue, isn't the first prominent metro-area weapons dealer to be targeted for a rip-off in recent months. In February, you'll recall that Wheat Ridge's Gunsmoke Guns was burglarized by a person or persons unknown shortly before the operation and its manager, Rich Wyatt -- father of a family featured in the recently canceled Discovery Channel show American Guns -- became targets of an Internal Revenue Service investigation.
It's understandable that crooks would look at such businesses and see dollar signs. After all, the prices of many guns and related items have been climbing of late due to feverish demand fueled in large part by the passage of recent Colorado gun-control laws, not to mention fear that the Obama administration has a secret plan to pry gats from firearm owners' cold, dead fingers.
On the other hand, gun shops typically deploy high-tech security systems -- and that certainly seems to have been the case with Denver Guns & Ammo.
At about 3:05 a.m., according to the Jeffco Sheriff's office, deputies were dispatched to the shop after a motion alarm alerted them to the presence of someone inside. Upon their arrival, they saw a man running from the front of the store.
Shortly thereafter, they lost sight of their quarry. But after setting up a perimeter and beginning an intensive search, they located the man, later identified as Snow, hiding in a dumpster. Keeping him company were two handguns from the store, plus what are described as "some illegal drugs" -- presumably fuel for his dangerous mission.
Along the way, deputies also stumbled upon some other interesting items, including an AR-15 rifle on the roof, where Snow apparently gained entry (American Guns was robbed through its roof, too), and another AR-15 outside the store. He seems to have left the latter behind after leaving the store -- through its large front window.
Given Snow's exit strategy, it's no surprise that he complained to arresting law enforcers of minor injuries. As such, he was taken to Littleton Hospital for treatment before being transported to the south precinct Jeffco Sheriff's office for questioning.
At one point in this process, investigators stepped out of the interview room. When they returned, Snow was gone -- not that there was a heckuva lotta mystery about where he'd gone. Investigators say he'd stood on a chair, removed a ceiling tile and climbed inside in an attempt to escape.
Unfortunately for him, there was nowhere to go. He was promptly apprehended "from inside of the duct work above the drop ceiling," Jeffco reps say.
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Snow has been booked on suspicion of second-degree burglary, attempted escape, possession of a controlled substance, theft and perhaps the most appropriate charge of all -- criminal mischief. What a scamp!
Here's a larger look at Snow's mug shot.
More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Keaton Bell's schmucky decision: He stole guns from a SWAT team member."