Politics

Delegating Denver #10 of 56: Dems Abroad

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Democrats Abroad

Total Number of Delegates: 11 Pledged: 7 Unpledged: 4

How to Recognize a Democrats Abroad Delegate: Dems Abroad are the luckiest of all the delegates. They draw their ranks from Peace Corps volunteers, embassy personnel, artists and glamorous Hollywood movie stars. They are the American intelligentsia who are trying to escape the pervasive stupidity of American culture by living their American dream in a foreign country. Most Dem-Abroaders are wealthy and have well-established social connections to high-ranking politicians and the international jet set. From their diverse vantage points, they monitor how American culture is ruining life across the planet and report back to the global cabal of the liberal media. That is, of course, when they’re not eating three-hour lunches, photographing endangered wildlife, scolding the locals for moving too slowly and writing travel columns under assumed names for French Vogue. They are extremely easy to identify. Dems Abroad wear university-professor-inspired, natural-fiber preppy basics of wool, tweed and (organic-cotton) khaki, and accessorize with the handmade balaclavas, dashikis, caftans and khongors that they have acquired across the globe. Female Dems Abroad are especially fond of chunky jewelry, especially if it was made from some kind of unrecyclable garbage by village women and/or children.

Famous Democrats Abroad: Gertrude Stein, fashionista Marc Jacobs, Madonna, David Sedaris, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sean Penn and John Malkovich

Famous Democrats Abroad With Denver (or Aspen) Connections: Denver's #1 Democrat, Diana DeGette, was born in Tachikawa, Japan. Michael Douglas and Johnny Depp both have vacation homes in Aspen.

Democrats Abroad Nickname: Ex-patriates (official); Americow, Big Mac, Big Devil, Burger Muncher, Cowboy, Gaijin, Gabacho, Goober, Gringo, Gweilo, Gubba, Hamshank, The Man, ´Murrican, Pig, Pilgrim, Roundeyes, Yank (unofficial) Population: 3,768,359 Racial Distribution: 93% white, 3% black, 3% Asian, 0% Native American, 1% Hispanic Per Capita Personal Income: $226,440 Unemployment: 0%

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Sean Cronin