Delegating Denver #14 of 56: Guam

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Total Number of Delegates: 9 Pledged: 4 Unpledged: 5

How to Recognize a Guam Delegate: Guamanians are gorgeous. Their exotic mix of Malay, Chamorro, Filipino, Spanish, Asian, and American ancestry has produced people who are extremely easy on the eyes. Although the Pacific island is a part of Micronesia, don't expect to see delegates running around Denver in grass skirts and coconut-shell bras. Guam is the westernmost outpost of the United States of Discount and Fashion Mall Shopping, and every store is duty-free! Guamanians are as trend-savvy and fashionable as any mainland MySpace suburbanite, and they dress the part. Otherwise, telltale signs of the Guam delegate will include the need for a down coat whenever the temperature dips below 86 degrees Fahrenheit and the wearing of zoris. Zoris — or flip-flops, as they are called on the mainland — are worn all day long, with any outfit, by either sex. They are only removed during daylight hours one at a time, to emphasize a point during a zori attack — or political debate, as it is called on the mainland.

Famous Guamanians: Air America co-founder Evan Montvel Cohen; Discovery Health Channel anti-guru Dan Ho; NBC early-morning news reader Ann Curry; Toronto Blue Jays infielder John Hattig; and star of Nickelodeon's Blue's Clues (and cousin to General George Patton) Donovan Patton

Famous Guam Democrats: America's highest-ranking (out) gay judge, Guam Supreme Court Justice Benjamin Cruz; former governor of Guam (1995-2003) Carl T.C. Gutierrez; and U.S. Congresswoman Madeleine Bordallo

Famous Guamanians With Denver Connections: A taxidermied version of the extinct-in-the-wild Guam Koko bird that is on display at the Denver Museum of Nature & Science; MySpace musician Santiago the Artist; and comedian Robby Wagner

Territory Nickname: Where America's Day Begins, Hub of the Pacific (official); World's Biggest K-mart (Unofficial) Population: 171,019 Racial Distribution: 7% white, 3% black, 27% Filipino, 7% Asian, 41% Native Chamorro, 6% Hispanic, 9% mixed Per Capita Personal Income: $12,768 Unemployment: 9%

Recommendations For The Guam Delegation

Most Guamanian Denver Neighborhood: Jefferson Park

Most Guamanian Bar: Dandy Dan's 214 South Federal Boulevard Guam's economy is fueled by Japanese businessmen and the U.S. military. Strip clubs outnumber McDonald's franchises 2 to 1.

Most Guamanian Restaurant: Tropical Grill 12203 East Iliff Avenue Aurora, Colorado The Philippines are to Guam what Mexico is to the USA, and filipino chicken adobo is to Guamanians what burritos are to Americans.

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Best Day Trip: World's Largest Rocking Chair, Penrose Guam sits on a 212-square-mile island that holds over 163,00 residents and 7,000 soldiers stationed at five U.S. military installations. (The U.S. government is closing a base in Okinawa and moving an additional 7,000 marines to Guam in early 2008.) Guam is equal in size to Fort Carson, where 14,000 soldiers are stationed; the base is a Colorado must-see for any Guamanian concerned about military land use. While the drive through Colorado Springs, with its abundance of conservative Christian churches and retired military officers, may feel familiar to a Guamanian, the exit onto Colorado 115 will provide a whole new lesson in the gargantuan greed of military need. The road hugs the base of Cheyenne Mountain, the completely hollowed hill that houses America's top-secret doomsday devices, then follows the western boundary of Fort Carson for twenty miles. The vastness of the military reservation has forced neighbors to super-size. Don't miss the sixteen-foot-tall Herculean Beetle at 710 Rock Creek Road or the 21-foot-tall rocking chair near the highway’s end. Both of these roadside colossi make for perfect rest stops on the road to military build-up.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


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