Delegating Denver #22 of 56: Louisiana

Louisiana

Total Number of Delegates: 67 Pledged: 56 Unpledged: 11

How to Recognize a Louisiana Delegate: The surface of Louisiana may properly be divided into two parts: the swamplands, and the quagmires, which include the townships and parishes built on the bribes and embezzlements of organized political corruption. Like the Mississippi River, which flows in a ridge of its own deposits at an elevation of ten feet above the city of New Orleans, Louisiana politics flows in a channel of its own filth ten feet above the laws of man and nature. Unlike their peers in other states, who leave elected office and go on to consulting jobs and speaking tours, Louisiana politicians usually go to prison.Not to worry, though: A well-placed brother-in-law on the parole board will quickly have them back out on Easy Street. Louisiana delegates will be easy to identify in Denver. They'll be the jaywalkers wearing plush outfits of gold, green and purple, laden with plastic beads and carrying "go cups" filled with ice-cold Hurricanes and Hand Grenades.The mini-bars in their hotel rooms will be emptied of their costly refreshments and refilled with cash in $10,000 increments of $100 bills wrapped in foil and stuffed into frozen-food containers.

Famous Louisianans: Musicians Mahalia Jackson, Fats Domino, Louis Armstrong, Professor Longhair, Wynton Marsalis, Branford Marsalis, Harry Connick Jr., Lucinda Williams, Lil Wayne, Shannon Leto, Jared Leto and Buckwheat Zydeco; funny blondes Faith Ford, Reese Witherspoon and Ellen Degeneres; journalists Bryant Gumbel and Cokie Roberts; writers Truman Capote and Anne Rice; cartoonist George Herriman; assassin Lee Harvey Oswald; asinine Britney Spears; ass-blaster Richard Simmons.

Famous Louisiana Democrats: 35th governor Huey Long; 40th, 43rd and 45th governor Earl Long;54th governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco; 15th U.S Senate Majority Whip Russell B. Long; current senior senator Mary Landrieu; 56th mayor of New Orleans Moon Landrieu; 56th lieutenant governor Mitch Landrieu; 60th mayor of New Orleans Ray "Chocolate City" Nagin; Representative Bill "freezer full of cash" Jefferson; former U.N. ambassador Andrew Young; campaign strategist James Carville.

Famous Louisianans With Denver Connections: Aerial navigation pioneer and DIA main terminal namesake Elrey Borge Jeppesen; Colorado Media Matters web producer Aimee Matheny; singer-songwriter Liz Barnez; Chapter One BBQ and Grill siblings Bonnie and Jerome Sims; photographer Nicole Marie Roche.

State Nickname: the Pelican State, the Bayou State (official); the Open Container State, the Nepotism State, the Kickback State, Roustabouts' Paradise (unofficial) Population: 4,287,768 (a 5% loss after Hurricane Katrina) Racial Distribution: 62% white, 33% black, 1.5% Asian, 1% Native American, 2.5% Hispanic Per Capita Personal Income: $26,100 Unemployment: 3.3%

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE LOUISIANA DELEGATION

Most Louisianan Denver Neighborhood: Montbello

Most Louisianan Denver Bar: Dazzle 930 Lincoln Street Consistently voted as Denver's best jazz club for both Creole and Cajun conventioneers.

Most Louisianan Denver Restaurant: Lucile's Creole Cafe 275 South Logan Street This is the place to satisfy the craving for beignets, pain perdu,gumbo and étouffée.

Best Day Trip: Vail We know from reading school textbooks that the rich creolization of Louisiana's Spanish, French, African and Caribbean cultures must be celebrated around the state with frequent all-night dancing and jazz festivals. We know from reading newspapers that Louisiana ranks last in the nation for everything from school funding to physical fitness, and first in per capita production of toxic waste. We know from watching the TV coverage of Hurricane Katrina and the Jena Six trial that the broadcast media is incapable of explaining the cultural complexities of Louisiana. And, we know from the movies that when left in their own homes, Louisianans prefer to sit and sweat in their underwear while their loved ones yell up at them from the rain-greased streets below. While in Colorado, delegates can cool their heated passions in Vail. Unlike the nearly 500-year-old Louisianan culture, steeped in a stew of voodoo and Catholicism, the trendy ski town is only fifty years old and has no past. Since its founding, Vail has been rebuilt three times, to add the latest in comfort technology and remove any hint of outdated style. Nothing is left to chance. Everything has been calculated by corporate professionals to relax visitors into comfortably paying a lot of money for the little things in life, like cool air and dry pavement. In the big picture, Vail is the antidote to Louisiana.