Politics

Delegating Denver #27 of 56: Minnesota

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Minnesota

Total Number of Delegates: 88 Pledged: 72 Unpledged: 16

How to Recognize a Minnesota Delegate: Most Americans' knowledge about Minnesota comes from the movie Fargo, which was written and directed by natives Joel and Ethan Coen. Actress Frances McDormand (real-life wife of Joel) won the 1996 Best Actress Academy Award for her stunning ability to portray character Marge Gunderson's personality trait of "Minnesota Nice." Minnesotans sure seem nice on the outside, but inside they are a lukewarm hot dish of passive-aggressiveness. Their smiles are just disguised resistance to the demands and desires of friends and family. And it's no wonder: 93% of all the people who are born in Minnesota die in Minnesota. They have an entire lifetime for their familiarity to breed contempt. Which also explains why state founders chose the gopher (over the beaver) as the state symbol. Like niceties, gophers are essentially useless, and the farther they burrow down, the more destructive they become. So keep that in mind when encountering the gopher-toothed grins of delegates from Minnesota. Females will tend to wear Isaac Mizrahi for Target blazers, skirts and pants that fit nicely and won't reveal any figure flaws. Males will wear the brightly colored yet long-suffering Zubaz pants with untucked Spam brand luncheon-meat logo T-shirts and leather fanny packs with the pouch in front.

Famous Minnesotans: Land O' Lakes butter babe Minnehaha; Frostbite Falls duo Rocket J. (Rocky) Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose; brawny Paul Bunyan and his blue ox, Babe; tender, flakey Betty Crocker and the Pillsbury Doughboy; Peanuts gang Charlie Brown, Peppermint Patty, Schroeder, Snoopy, Lucy and Linus Van Pelt; WJM-TV's girl who’s “gonna make it after all," Mary Richards; Golden Girl Rose Nylund; professional wrestling governor Jesse Ventura.

Famous Minnesota Democrats: 38th vice president of the United States Hubert H. Humphrey; 42nd vice president of the United States Walter Mondale; presidential aspirant Paul Wellstone.

Famous Minnesotans With Denver Connections: Colorado Avalanche defenseman Jordan Leopold; comedian Josh Blue.

State Nickname: Star of the North, The Gopher State, Land of 10,000 Lakes (official). The Yeah, Sure, Ya Betcha State, The Bread and Butter State, The Crapload of Bad Weather State, The Hot Dish State, Spamlandia (unofficial) Population: 5,167,101 Racial Distribution: 86% white, 4.5% black, 3.5% Asian, 1% Native American, 5% Hispanic Per Capita Personal Income: $34,443 Unemployment: 5%

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Sean Cronin