Politics

Delegating Denver #32 of 56: Nevada

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Nevada

Total Number of Delegates: 33 Pledged: 25 Unpledged: 8

How to Recognize a Nevada Delegate: Nevadans like to claim that their state was named for the Spanish word that means "covered in snow." This, of course, seems deliberately misleading to anyone who has visited Las Vegas during the summer (which starts in February and runs through December). In Spanish, the word nevada can also be translated as "snow job," to describe "a deception or concealment of one's real motive in an attempt to shake down tourists." The second definition is far more believable and can be supported with much evidence. For starters, 90 percent of all America's gold is mined in "The Silver State." (Alaska is the leader in the production of silver.) And then there are the alien conspiracy theories surrounding Area 51 that were created by the state tourism department, and perpetuated by the CIA, to cover up the trillions of dollars spent to buy stealthy, super-secret, hypersonic space planes to spy on imaginary enemies. When trying to identify Nevada delegates in Denver, just remember that as America's foremost deliberate misleaders, Nevadans can't help but become oxymoronic oddballs. And their deception will be further concealed by the natural split in state politics. By and large, northern Nevadans will look like college professors who are actually pro-life, and southern Nevadans will look like war veterans who are actually trade-union supporters. The all-inclusive giveaway will be that they all look slightly overdressed, as their summer wardrobes include light, solid-color sweaters needed to guard against the chill of Nevada's air-conditioned indoor climate.

Famous Nevadans: Paiute princess Sarah Winnemucca; UPS founder James E. Casey; the hardest-working first lady in U.S. history, Thelma "Pat" Nixon; tennis great (and staunch Democratic supporter) Andre Agassi; wholesome TV actress Dawn (Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island) Wells; holesome porn actress Jenna (Candy Suxxx, Up and Cummers 11) Jameson; NASCAR brothers Kurt "Asshole" Busch and Kyle "Shrub" Busch; Killers vocalist and keyboardist Brandon Flowers; Panic at the Disco bandmates Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross and Brent Wilson.

Famous Nevada Democrats: First Nevada native to be elected governor Emmet D. Boyle; former senator and Las Vegas International Airport namesake Pat McCarran; 24th United States Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

Famous Nevadans With Denver Connections: Director of the Denver U.S. Mint from 1961-1969 Eva B. Adams; Modern Drunkard publisher and editor-in-chief Frank Kelly Rich; mainstream standup ventriloquist Dan McGowan; self-published kids’-book artist Steve T. Laws; Stan's Automotive mechanic Adrian Lucero.

State Nickname: The Silver State, The Mining State, The Battle Born State (official); The Brothel Born State, The Wallet-Mining State, California's Ugly Cousin, Land of the Lost Mormons (unofficial) Population: 2,495,529 Racial Distribution: 59% white, 8% black, 6% Asian, 2% Native American, 25% Hispanic Per Capita Personal Income: $31,266 Unemployment: 5.2%

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Sean Cronin