The Schmuck of the Week braintrust seldom honors an unknown person.
When we bequeath the mantle of schmuckiness, we like to know who's receiving it.
But we're making an exception for the alleged Copper Mountain stink bomber, and not only because doing so gives us the rare opportunity to write the words "stink bomber."
He also deserves the nod for the length, width and breadth of the apparent grudge he holds against Tucker's Tavern, a popular Copper Mountain watering hole.
The man allegedly targeted the venue at around 9 p.m. on September 17, when the Summit County Sheriff's Office says he launched "a plastic bottle filled with an unknown putrid smelling liquid onto the patio."
This was hardly the first attack of its type, however. He's reportedly tried to make life smelly for the employees and patrons of the establishment for more than three years — and at this writing, law enforcement still has no clue about his identity despite images like the ones seen in this post.
The background of this olfactory war is provided by an article published last summer in the Summit Daily.
According to the paper, the first attack took place in March 2012, with eight more following through July 2014. (The sheriff's office is currently saying the latest incident was the sixth, but who's counting?)
While Tavern owner Jeff Christiansen speculates in the piece that the man's weapon of choice is "doe-in-heat urine" used in hunting, no one seems to know for sure. And the delivery methods vary.
On one occasion, for instance, the man apparently taped a jar filled with a "frozen mixture of the mystery liquid" to the underside of a bar chair, the Daily points out.
But whatever it is, the stuff stinks to high heaven, to quote Loudon Wainwright III's "Dead Skunk" — and it keeps coming despite plenty of efforts to stop it.
Christiansen installed a security camera in 2013 and passed along images of the suspect to law enforcement — but investigators weren't able to figure out who he was. The Tavern also posted a short video clip of the man on its Facebook page last summer (unfortunately, it's not embeddable). That didn't work, either.
Fortunately for the Tavern crew, the involvement of the sheriff's office seems more vigorous this time around. Investigators have circulated photos and a description of the man — an older Caucasian male last seen wearing a light-colored baseball cap, tan pants and a jacket that was either blue or green.
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If you recognize the stink bomber, you're encouraged to reach out to the Summit County Sheriff’s Office at 970-423-8940 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Just follow your nose. It'll lead you straight to the Schmuck of the Week.