Don't start dreaming of winning the West, Rockies fans

Yeah, the San Francisco Giants' wild-card aspirations can no longer be aspirated, and the Atlanta Braves' quest for the playoffs will wind up on the slab, too, if the Rockies drain the Brewers this afternoon. So, naturally, Colorado fans have their eyes on the Los Angeles Dodgers, who lead the NL West by just two-and-a-half games and end the season with three against the Rocks in Chavez Ravine. If the Rockies could win today and then sweep the Dodgers at home, they'd take the division.

But it will never happen. Never-ever. There's a better chance of Barack Obama and Glenn Beck sharing an open-mouthed kiss live on Fox News than the Rockies taking three from the Dodgers, for two simple reasons: They hardly ever beat the Dodgers, period, and they really hardly ever beat them at home.

Let's look at their head-to-head record in 2009, shall we?

April 17: Dodgers win, 4-3 in L.A. April 18: Dodgers win 5-9 in L.A. April 19: Dodgers win 14-2 in L.A. April 24: Dodgers win 6-5 in Denver. April 25. Dodgers win 6-5 (again) in Denver. April 26: Rockies win 10-4 in Denver. May 25: Dodgers win 16-6 in Denver. May 26: Dodgers win 7-1 in Denver. May 27: Dodgers win 8-6 in Denver. June 29: Dodgers win 4-2 in L.A. June 30: Rockies win 3-0 in L.A. July 1: Dodgers win 1-0 in L.A. August 25: Rockies win 5-4 in Denver. August 26: Dodgers win 6-1 in Denver. August 27: Dodgers win 3-2 in Denver.

For those of you keeping score at home, that's a record of 3-12 for the Rockies -- with only one win in six tries in L.A.

I can hear you now: Clint Hurdle was the manager for most of those games! With Jim Tracy managing, everything's different! And it's true that Hurdle helmed all the contests through May 27, after which he was summarily beheaded, figuratively speaking. But that means under Tracy, the Rockies were still just 2-4, with only one win in SoCal.

I'm not writing off the Rockies if they wind up facing the Dodgers at some point in the playoffs -- although it's hard to imagine them taking a series in fewer than seven. But three in a row? In L.A.? A team they've played badly for years? Even I'm not so Rocky Mountain High to believe that.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts