Schmuck of the Week

Give Sarah Valeriano Enough Vanilla Extract and She'll Punch You in the Face

Sarah Valeriano.
Sarah Valeriano. Facebook
Sarah Valeriano was arrested for punching a paramedic in the face while under the influence. And the items that were reportedly influencing her included eight ounces of vanilla extract and a Fat Tire beer.

Of such things Schmucks of the Week are made.

The incident in question took place this past weekend at an apartment on the 1400 block of Cimarron Drive in Lafayette.

Cops were called to the residence on a report of a disturbance, with the person who phoned mentioning the brewski and the vanilla extract.


The latter is a favorite among underage drinkers because of its high alcohol content — about the same amount as vodka or rum.

click to enlarge Sarah Valeriano's booking photo. - BOULDER COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE
Sarah Valeriano's booking photo.
Boulder County Sheriff's Office
Valeriano, for her part, is 28 — but the beverage combo apparently did the trick for her, too. According to an arrest affidavit, officers found her drunkenly pounding on the walls after having apparently wet her bed.

This behavior wasn't enough for her to be taken to the hoosgow. Instead, the cops contacted paramedics, who managed to get her into an ambulance. But shortly thereafter, Valeriano is said to have expressed her displeasure at the turn of events by introducing her fist to a medic's nose.

At that point, Valeriano was arrested on suspicion of second-degree assault, obstructing a peace officer and resisting arrest. The last count is one with which she should have been familiar, given that she pleaded guilty to that charge as well as theft in Longmont circa 2014. Her sentence: eighteen months of probation.

It's too soon to know if her wrist will receive a harder slap this time around. In the meantime, guzzle vanilla extract at your own risk.
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