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How do the Colorado Rockies blow? Let us count the ways...

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Sarcasm drips from the headline on Purple Row, a website devoted to the Colorado Rockies. It reads: "Rockies Find New Ways to Keep the Streak Alive; Now 0-7." Yep, the Rockies are zilch-for-2009.

In a different blog, our Purple Row friends advise Rockies fans not to panic yet, and even trot out the lyrics from Monty Python's classic ditty "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" as reassurance -- ignoring the fact that in 1979's Life of Brian, the tune is crooned by a bunch of guys being crucified, none of whom rises from the dead in fulfillment of the scriptures. BleacherReport.com scribe David Martin strikes this same tone in "Colorado Rockies in Basement of Cactus League: Who Cares?," noting that since "this is only spring training," worrywarts should "stop freaking out."

Makes sense. But right now, freaking out seems more justifiable than ever.

Why? Well, Matt Holliday is gone, and the players obtained in trade from the Oakland Athletics for him don't add up to the sum of his parts; the team's newer faces -- such as outfielder Carlos Gonzalez -- haven't stirred much excitement thus far; virtually every pitcher who's taken the mound in Cactus League contests thus far has gotten shelled; and the Rockies' ownership would apparently prefer to win by fluke than to put a plan in motion to transform the franchise's performance a couple of years ago into a regular occurrence. I could go on, but if I did, I couldn't see to type through the tears.

In the previously mentioned BleacherReport.com salvo, Martin quotes depressed Rockies bloggers who predict 110 losses this season, adding, "They say this is the worst team since the 1961 Mets." If that's the case, it'd at least make the season interesting. But I fear something considerably less epic -- a long, drawn-out campaign in which the Rocks wind up among the two or three worst MLB squads but fall short of record-setting ineptitude. In other words, a full-scale return to the pre-World Series era, in which hope is gone by the end of April and the only reason to venture to Coors Field is to watch all-stars on other teams and enjoy the Colorado weather.

If there's a brighter side, I'll be damned if I can see it.

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