As Schmuck of the Week aficionados know, we typically wait until Friday to designate the latest person to earn this august accolade.
But we've moved the timetable up a day because we just couldn't wait to tell you the biting story of Jade Gurley.
And the word "biting" isn't being used figuratively. She's accused of having actually chomped off a chunk of a man's ear.
According to the Colorado Springs Police Department, the incident that brought Gurley's teeth to our attention took place a little shy of midnight Tuesday, May 19, on the 1400 block of South Nevada Avenue.
The area is captured in the following interactive graphic. If you have problems seeing the image, click "View on Google Maps."
The report involved a woman who was "chasing a male with a knife in her hand," the cops say.
Upon their arrival, officers concluded that Gurley had been trying to stab the thus-far unidentified man, who was definitely worse for wear.
That's because a piece of his left ear the size of a quarter had been bitten off.
Gurley is said to have been arrested without incident and the knife was located in a nearby motel room.
The missing portion of ear was found, too. "Unfortunately," the report says, "it could not be reattached."
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The CSPD notes that Gurley was booked on "a variety of charges." No word yet if "Imitating Mike Tyson" is among them.
Here's a larger look at Gurley's double mug shot.