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Jobbed: Tales from the help-wanted ads, September 24 edition

Having trouble finding work? You're not alone. Follow Westword every Thursday in Jobbed on the Latest Word blog as we troll for the weird, the wacky and the worst of what the recession-era world of online job ads has to offer.

The job: Undercover Operative

Pay: $50 an hour; All expenses paid, including travel time, parking, liquor, food, tips, and report preparation time.

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Qualifications: "Witty, smart, attractive well put together female between the age of 32 and 45."

Responsibilities: A private investigator is looking for a woman to help investigate a "person of interest and his employment issues." The work environment is a "plush downtown restaurant/lounge. Candidate must be willing to dress the 'part' for this assignment to fit in. Candidate will not at any time be in a dangerous or compromising position. Candidate must be able to converse on a wide range of topics (nothing specific) and be very discreet -- no drama, jealous husbands, boyfriends, significant others etc. Final applicants will be put through a rigid background investigation.

What it doesn't say: A lot -- as in, "Hey cougar, you're already getting sloshed during the day, skeezing martinis off younger, drunker guys from out of town. Why not get paid for it?" Or it could be this: "You're a hard-boiled dame with brains. You've got gams up to here and more curves than a country road. And if you end up bedding the 'person of interest,' that's your beef not ours -- just make sure you get the goods first."

Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.