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La La Vazquez: Top 5 reasons she should stay in Denver (and convince Melo to stay, too)

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If the Nuggets lose Carmelo Anthony in a complicated trade deal, our fair city will lose another asset, too: Melo's wife, the fabulous La La Vazquez, she of the custom pink Range Rover, gold Gucci heels and VH1 reality show.

Because while Denver has a trendy bike share program, lots of drunk people and a laser-eyed Mustang that guards our airport, we don't have many celebrities.

So on the off chance that La La reads our humble little blog, we offer five reasons why she should stay in Denver (and convince Melo to stay, too).

We have better public art than New York City. The Statue of Liberty? Zoo York? Christo's The Gates? Psshaw. We have a Christo, too (maybe), plus an arty red thing that looks like a penis covered in saggy boobs.

La La has a 97 percent chance at all times of being the hottest person in the room. Unless she happens to be in a room with these people. Then she has a 100 percent chance of being the hottest person.

Because Heidi Montag is an abomination. And we need to raise Colorado's celebrity cred. The second-best thing we've got is the tale of Charlie Sheen getting arrested for domestic violence while on vaca in Aspen. And after that? Um, Molly Brown? Sure, she was unsinkable, but that doesn't garner Denver any cool headlines on TMZ.com.

We have a restaurant, the Buckhorn Exchange, where you can order and eat fried bull's testicles. Does Chicago have fried balls? How about Philly? New Jersey? Didn't think so.

Because Richard Heene already left Colorado. And we can't handle another loss like that. We're fragile, La La. FRAGILE!

More from our Follow That Story archive: "Kim Kardashian's ass & other juicy details from the Carmelo Anthony-La La Vazquez wedding."

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.

 

Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.