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Lost and found pets posters reveal secret lives of Dorkus and Moses: Kenny Be's Sign Language

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They may be the raggedy-pant-tramp of the dog world, but even an American Bulldog has too much dignity to tolerate being called "Dorkus." While it may sound cute while playing fetch, the name starts to sound like Bulldog bullying when used with the everyday commands of "Sit, Dorkus!" and "Drop it, Dorkus!" Additionally, "She's belongs to an elderly woman" is improper street grammar and should read, "She's belonging to an elderly woman."

Look below to see how the recession is affecting Ruby Hill runaway reward offers...

Seven-hundred dollars seems like a lot of reward money for a dog, especially since the notation written above the offering seems to imply that $100 is the new $700. And, as seen in the lower right-hand corner of the poster pictured above, if this lost pet is so special, why did the dog's owner have to download a random picture of the breed from completedogguide.com instead of using an actual picture of "Moses?" This looks like the breed of dog that would have numerous outfits, with seasonal portraits. At least it's still the dog that matters in Ruby Hill. As seen below, in Capitol Hill it's all about the dog's owner... From ten feet down the sidewalk, the poster shown in the photo above looked like it was announcing that some unfortunate Capitol Hill resident had lost their hipster. It's sad to think that the dog may have split, but not surprising, as the picture clearly reveals who is (or was) the center of attention in this relationship.

It is often said that great art comes from great suffering, and this picture proves it. This poster, with its cell-phone self-pic of a hipster wearing an oversize, backwards trucker's hat, aviator sunglasses and a henna hand tattoo -- posed before the American flag holding his lap dog -- is a contemporary classic. Move over Grand Woods, this is the new "American Gothic."

Of course, the only thing worse than a lost dog is a found cat, as explained below... Shouldn't a "found cat" picture feature the timid feline crouched and afraid beneath a sofa? That this long-haired red Tabby is sprawled across a bed with that "What's for lunch?" look on her face seems to indicate that she is a self-centered drama queen who craves special attention. Don't expect to get dead birds on your pillow from this cat, she just wants to see her face up on phone poles.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.