Schmuck of the Week

Massage Pro Kenneth Francis Busted for Offer to Help Felons Buy Guns on YouTube

"My neck is really fucked up, I think I messed it up while I was sleeping last night, so it's not in the best of shape."

These comments, heard in a video recently yanked from YouTube (but still visible in part in a 9News report), aren't the best advertising for Kenneth Francis.

After all, he's a massage therapist whose website,, notes that "massage therapy is a central component of your overall health and well being. I know this better than anyone and can make your body & mind feel fantastic."

Fucked-up neck notwithstanding.

But Francis isn't in trouble with the law (and this week's Schmuck of the Week nominee) because of rubdown issues — even though prosecutors suspect he's also a prostitute.

Nope, he's facing federal beefs for offering to buy anyone a gun for a $50 fee, whether they can legally have one or not.

Francis's massage-therapy website features plenty of shots of him looking buff, including this one....

...and this one:

But along with massage-oriented hype, the site's home page also features some text that goes off-topic.

One note reads, "Would you like to know more about me or my most recent STD test result? Select About Me on the site navigation bar."

Another asks: "Do you need help getting a gun? Are you an American? If so then I can help! Watch my video."

The link to the video still exists, but a YouTube message appears on the screen: It reads, "This video has been removed for violating YouTube's Community Guidelines."

When the clip was still accessible, however, it displayed Francis's massage-therapy web address, the slogan "Relax and Let My Body Do the Talking," a local phone number and extended footage of Francis making it clear that his focus during the twelve-minute-plus chat wouldn't be on tight hamstrings.

Instead, he expressed frustration with "the corrupt government, their infringement on your Second Amendment rights.

"Lately I've been spending at least an hour a day online, just staying caught up with what's going on all over the country," he continued, adding, "I'm getting sick and tired of this crap."

Francis then revealed that he owns two weapons — a long-range sniper rifle and the handgun seen at the top of this post. And he expressed his belief that gun ownership is the right of everyone in the U.S. of A. with a state identification card.

That includes felons or anyone else forbidden to possess a firearm. Give him a portrait of Ulysses S. Grant on a greenback and you're set, he said.

"Fifty dollars is a very reasonable price, because I'm basically going to be breaking the law here," he maintained at one point. "And I'm okay with that, because the law is corrupt."

Shockingly enough, the folks at the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives disagreed.

According to 9News, ATF agents conducted a sting operation in which Francis obtained two guns — after which he was busted for making a false statement to a firearms dealer and unlawful disposition of a firearm.

If found guilty of these offenses, Francis could receive a maximum sentence of ten years behind bars and a $250,000 fine.

That won't exactly work out the kinks. Here's the aforementioned 9News piece.